u/Bubbly-String-5243

My husband is on his journey of freeing himself from porn. He is taking it really seriously and I appreciate that so much. I know there will be bumps in the road, but I’m hoping the worst is behind us.

Anyways, as a wife of a PA, I am really struggling with how he could possibly be attracted to me after filling his brain with other women (who are much more desirable than me) for so long. He bought OF content from someone we personally knew, so I feel extremely betrayed. I am overweight, have stretch marks from pregnancy, and my body looks completely different from when we first started dating and got married.

After you got over the worst of recovery, were you still attracted to your spouse? Did you ever have problems with intimacy?

I am not trying to be shallow. I know recovery and supporting him is the most important thing for him right now. I am trying really hard. I want to explode with how angry and stupid I feel for not catching onto this sooner.

I mean, everything is pretty much said in the title. I caught him the first time and asked him to stop. He said okay and I moved on. I caught him again, I told him if he didn’t stop I would leave. He said okay. I harped on it a little more at this point, and he told me he was doing good, he told me nicely that he wanted me to drop it. I found receipts from OF in his email. I found one receipt where he bought something from someone we PERSONALLY KNEW AND I WAS GOOD FRIENDS WITH. Then, found a receipt dated a month after I gave birth to our son. My stitches hadn’t even fallen out yet.

I’m hurt, betrayed and taking it personally. He has found a therapist but I genuinely don’t even know if you can even come back from this kind of hurt. Every other aspect of our relationship is healthy and loving. But in my eyes I see this as adultery.

I’m going to do individual therapy as well and then we can go to couples therapy.

I guess I’m asking; How do I even do this?