I grew up with a lot of trauma and family issues, but now thankfully I live in my own apartment in a very well off neighborhood. Since moving out and working on myself life has been relatively good and manageable.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night to yelling; I just kind of stayed in bed, I felt stressed but nothing was overly alarming. I’ve had neighbors yell at each other before. Then it got worse.
I don’t even remember what happened I just remember I began to hear rage in both their voices, especially the man. Pure violent anger in the voice. And something was thrown to the floor, and the most in pain, devastated cry of my life, bawling like an infant. And a sort of choking sound, like a scream but breathless. The man yelled he was calling the police; I’m unsure if she was the aggressor or defending herself. Something slammed to the ground again. And it continued on and i called the police. I began to shake and kept my voice quiet because I was scared if they heard me calling someone I’d be dead, they’d pound on my door and kill me.
The police came, as they said but I never heard anyone come by my door. At that point the voices had quieted. I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad that I could no longer hear the woman speaking.
I made myself a snack and watched tv. Then I went back to sleep, slept for what was left of the night and went to work, with my coworker who was crying because someone in her family overdosed. And I came home. My mother texted me, before we got into an argument. I regrettably lashed out and said I didn’t need anyone finally but at her over text and I began to cry. I don’t feel anything. I called her to tell her what happened and explain and she dismissed it, told me it’s normal, that she grew up hearing that all the time. It’s normal in apartments
She asked me if had dreamed it, like I had ever hallucinated anything in my life.
Two weeks ago I was in the ER and I watched as nurses rolled their eyes at a homeless man on drugs convulsing and begging for help. They refused to help till he was screaming at the top of his lungs in pain and fear.
The world is a cruel horrible place. I try to be happy and gentle but I don’t feel like I have a soul that exists anymore