Want to hear from someone else diagnosed with BPD about their sense of shame regarding their self perception of goodness/badness. I have very intense feelings of being bad/deserving to suffer/horrible person/self centered/annoying/exhausting to be around/waste of life. I frequently catch myself calling myself a piece of shit in my head.
Some of my major splitting triggers are when my close ones give me the impression that they think I'm a bad person. Whenever someone makes me think they view me as a morally deficient person I obsess over it for days, weeks, months. I punish myself over my intense sense of being evil. I have a surge of anger against myself that makes me self sabotage or hurt myself.
Anyone else feels the same? Having their splitting triggers largely be around a sense of being perceived as morally deficient? Of course I have other insecurities, such as my appearance, whether my personality or skills are as good as other people, etc, as well, but I want to know common it is for morality to be a major source of shame, embarrassment, and interpersonal conflict. I feel so evil it makes me want to die.