u/Bubbly_Buyer_7136

I live in a very conservative MAGA county and am very very against all they stand for. The problem is, I can't find a therapist because they are ALL MAGA. They don't even have to disclose it; i can tell when I touch base on anything political. Im not someone who needs a therapist regularly. Sometimes I just need one to rant to so i can get things off my chest without burdening the people around me. Once I start ranting, everything else that irritates me tends to follow after the main subject. This very often includes politics. It's just such a pain 🥲

Im sure every young girl or woman has had to deal with boy moms, but the one im dealing with right now takes the cake when considering all my relationships. Im 19, my boyfriend also 19, and his mom in her late 40s. Our relationship is still new, only 11 months.

The deal with boy moms is that everything starts of great until you're boyfriend's mom starts to see that your relationship with her son might be getting s little more serious.

I've dealt with boy moms in my past relationships. You know, the snide remarks and eye rolls, the deal, but ive never had one be super involved in my relationship with their son until now.

I have talked to my boyfriend about this deal with her being overly involved. For background, I was raised by parents who I love so much, but are very nerdy and can oftentimes be out of touch with emotional situations, with that though, they have also taught me to be independent and a little more out of touch with emotional situations ( that being said im not socially awkward or completely helpless, they are just more challenging to navigate). They were the kind to try and find solutions to my problems instead of letting me just be sad. My boyfriend in the other hand has a very emotional mother who basically uses him as a therapist. (His words). So he's grown up in a very emotional and overbearing environment. So he feels a sense of responsibility for her. He is very understanding and not freaked out when i do have negative emotion, but its also hyper aware of everything i say and do that may or may not affect his moms emotions.

Also, his mom has ADHD and is very emotionally unpredictable. She refuses to see a therapist because she believes she is smarter than all of them.

What she does is takes everything very personally. This means she calls me disrespectful (not even to my face) to my boyfriend for every small thing I do. This might be that she doesn't like my opinion, or I forget to say thank you a time or two, literally complain about anything (as is she doesn't complain constantly herself) or I'm a little to loud. She gives me no grace, even for situations where I was feeling sick or when my winter ball dress was all over the place and I was a little scatterbrained. Im very sorry but your emotions are not my top priority when i have a migraine and a singer is belting at the top of their lungs and i need space and and am not in a perfect, lovely mood. Or when my boobs were basically falling out of my ball dress and I was scatterbrained and was trying to fix it because I wasn't feeling safe. Those are situations where i need a little grace. Im not shouting at or cussing anyone out, so being scattered is not the same as disrespect. I understand some of the small things, and I can compromise not doing smaller things like having no phones or at dinners, big or small, or making better efforts to say please and thank yous for the smaller things, but there are going to be moments where I slip. But it's not fair for me to come home from hanging out with my boyfriend and receiving a: my mom felt very disrespected by you tonight. Every. Dam. Time.

I'd understand if I was actually being disrespectful and was cussing, calling her names, picking fights with her, yelling and screaming, but i don't do that. I have moments where I say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing like every other person, especially a teenager, does. And she takes it so personally. I've also never had this problem with ANYONE else in my entire life.

I set a quiet boundary and told my boyfriend about it that basically said im not dealing with this and im going to quietly distance myself from her. I told him not to tell her bc yk, kinda awkward if the person you're avoiding knows you're avoiding them. He agreed and promised not to, and then did it anyway. When I confronted him about it bc I was pissed, he basically said that it's his mom and not mine and that he can tell her anything he wants. And sure, true, you CAN tell her, but then I won't trust you. And besides, im thinking he's supposed to be the one to shield me from his parents anyways right???

At the end of the day, im way too young and it is way too early for me to have to deal with "in laws" like that. I don't want to leave my boyfriend because I love him, but I don't know how much more of his mom i can handle, especially since the boundary i had has been broken and is no longer safe bc she is PISSED at me.

I might be a little more understanding if it were further into our relationship or if we were married, but im 19 and do not have the experience nor spine to fight with a 47 yo about all the reasons why I'm "disrespectful" when I act the same way around all of my friends and family and there has never been any issue or hard feelings. I just feel like this is an impossible standard for me to meet without being hyperfocused and changing my entire being in order to reach it.

Just needed to get this off my chest and get some anonymous opinion because I don't really want to go around and tell people I know all about my relationship issues.

TL:DR: bf's mom is overly involved in my relationship with her son and is making me feel insane and refuses to give me any grace for things in my character she finds disrespectful.