I (M40) married my wife (F39) 4 years ago in July 2022 and have now been divorced for 9 months. But I still can't find any way of moving on from this.
We met here on Reddit of all places, got to know each other super fast and just over a year later we were married. Now here's the kicker. I am Australian, she is American. We did the whole visit each other thing and the long distance relationship and probably rushed into marriage way too fast. I was and still somehow am convinced that I met my person. She made it clear at the time that she had met hers. I moved to the US on a CR1 spouse visa at the start of 2024 with the intent of being there long enough to settle her affairs and for us to come back to Aus to settle down. Everything went downhill fast upon my arrival. She asked for seperate bedrooms the day after I arrived, told me that our plans of getting her to Aus was completely off the table as her income opportunities in the US were better and I was now going to have to come to terms with living in the US permanently, even though I have young children in Australia. Anyway, fast forward 8 months and there was a continued feeling of rejection from her and also the homesickness from walking away from my entire life pushed me to come home to Aus. At the time I thought this was temporary as I left on the understanding that this was a pause. Some space to reflect on our issues. I thought that because our relationship had been long distance maybe this distance should be utilised to help come together again. Barely a week or two after arriving home, I got a message over Snapchat saying she was done. A fucking Snapchat message... Of all the fucking ways to tell someone your marriage is over... This didn't go over well with me to say the least. I called her and literally begged for her to reconsider, because after all, the affection I felt and still feel for her outweighed every single negative. I hoped that somehow she would see sense. That what we had was worth fighting for. That somehow we would have to meet in the middle and come to an understanding of how our future would look whether here or there.
Over the following week, I couldn't get in touch with her at all. I was ghosted completely and have been ever since. Later in June 2025 I had a knock at the door from a local court sheriff presenting me with divorce paperwork. This, I was not even remotely ready for. But I didn't fight it whatsoever. She set fair terms. And that was that. By August 25' we were divorced. There was some major errors in the filing regarding where the marriage was registered etc. but I didn't fight it. I was tempted to use these errors to delay things but thats all it would have done. Delayed the inevitable.
But now, here I am all this time later and still all I can think about is fixing this. Every single day, from sun up to sundown, the thought of somehow getting my marriage back. Getting back the life I envisioned for us is all I can think about. I can't stop trying to communicate with her. Even though I'm ignored. I know I must look like a desperate fool but I'm done past caring how I look anymore. Hence why I still wear my wedding ring, much to the amusement of some utter fuckwits around me.
So my question is. How the fuck do I convince myself into finally moving on. How do I let go of the one person I thought and still somehow absurdly think is my person.
This whole situation has put me through the absolute ringer emotionally. I have attempted suicide this year already, and the ideation never seems to go away and always intensifies around meaningful dates relating to her. I keep finding myself on country roads looking at big trees thinking how easy it would be to end it all by accelerating, closing my eyes and smashing into them at a ridiculous speed. The only thing that ever stops me is not wanting my decision to affect her by making her feel blamed. As crazy as that sounds.
Friends and family have tried to convince me numerous times to move on. That somehow I have to treat her like she's an enemy, and yet I have shunned all advice and cling to some fucked up far off hope that she'll see sense from my point of view and try to fix it.
Now I have essentially no friends because of the arguments we have had over their "advice". I get where they're coming from, they want what they think is best for me. And sometimes they think harsh words may get though to me, but deep down I dont want to fucking hear it. I don't even have access to my kids anymore because their mother claimed child abandonment while I was in the states and was awarded full custody in my absence. But the thing that fucks with me the most is I don't have the woman in my life that I thought I would grow old with and somehow lost everything else for the pleasure.
What the fuck do I do? How am I supposed to navigate this? How the actual fuck do I move on?