I (18 Female) have 3 younger siblings (16 Male and twins 14 Female) I am a senior in High school, i've been diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety (my father doesn't believe in that) and both our parents are alive and working and we all live at home, so 6 of us in a house. My parents used to be super abusive up until I was 12 and they found out I wanted to kill myself (this is vaguely necessary for the way I act because I was taking the brunt of everything beatings-wise and I've been essentially the third parent since my sisters were born) when we were little, and my brother and I were old enough to start cooking and cleaning, he and I were the main ones doing it for YEARS. I started at maybe 7 he was about 6, my sisters didn't start learning till they were 8,I think, but my parents gave up teaching us when the twins started doing things and so they essentially became useless. dishes are always always ALWAYS super greasy and my dad refuses to let us use the dishwasher so its ALL by hand and for a family of 6 it's essentially a full sink daily.
Now, our house is a MESS, my mom is a borderline hoarder and my sisters and brothers seem to be getting that bug, they all have TONS of junk in their rooms and they're a mess, they also hide food and stuff in their room and ever since I was little I've been cleaning moldy dishes and scraping mold and solid, several week old food off the floor and out from under tables, it's also in and under their beds and just covered in their rooms and we always have missing dishes, but it doesn't just stop at their rooms... It extends to the kitchen, dining room, living rooms, bathrooms, etc. My bedroom and my parents bedroom is he only room safe of food mold. My room is a little messy but it's mostly clothes and just STUFF. I have a fairly small room and not many places to put things but the only thing I keep outside of my room is a pair of boots, my tooth brush and feminine products, so essentially my room just contains everything I personally own, it's just as messy as a normal teenager's room would be so it's actually fairly decent in my opinion. (Keep in mind my reference is like TV shows and My boyfriends actually clean room) Now here's the part I mostly have an issue with, because I'm the oldest, as most people would assume, my parents make me take care of my siblings. I have to get them where they need to go and when they need to get there, I need to make sure they get their chores done, I need to make sure they've eaten, and I need to be a good example. That's great and all not too bad except for the fact that I'm still in High school, all three of them do sports outside of school and I have a boyfriend (who I don't get to visit often because his parents don't want me over during the school week and I'm busy because of my parents). My siblings take up so much of my time and anytime they do anything wrong or don't do something I get yelled at, and as I prefaced my parents used to beat us, obviously they don't anymore but that doesn't mean they don't verbally and emotionally abuse us still. The screaming in my house is never ending, it's MISERABLE when my parents come home, and even better for me I have to plan my entire schedule around my siblings schedules. The boyfriend I've got? I cant go and see him until my siblings are at their activities, and I have to leave his house at the drop of a hat to take them home or some other stuff. That's probably mostly normal honestly but I also have to deal with another fun thing, the entire grocery list of the house and cooking and managing dinner a lot. I have to keep track of everything my siblings use for bathroom essentials and shower stuff, I also make sure we have all the food we need, I have to figure out what we're doing for dinner and cook it typically, I also have to do store runs and keep track of things like TP and paper towels, I essentially manage everything including the children, but excluding the bills. I don't have the time or energy for a job but my parents always pressure me to get one, I've already had three since I've been in high school but I don't have one right now. I'm incredibly exhausted quite often and honestly most of this seems fairly decent to me to do as the oldest but the hard part is I HAVE to do all of this and I can never leave without asking I have a curfew of 8 and 9 if I REALLY push it I don't get to just go and do things like my siblings, I have to plan stuff around them and I can't ever tell them to get a ride to go see their friends, or boyfriends, or their practices, but when I was their age all the way up till I could drive I HAD to find rides to things. My mom never had to deal with me or my siblings she doesn't even know how to cook or clean she is COMPLETELY useless in the house and always acts overwhelmed when all she actually deals with is putting herself in more debt because she impulse buys and doesn't pay bull and she has a minimum wage job. She DOES NOT deal with her children besides to scream and whine that the house isn't clean and to tell us whether or not we can go out and do something. I've been trying to teach her how to chill the freak out a lot because she's also super petty and hates to be wrong, she also acts like a 13 year old girl and starts fights all the time. It just pisses me off because besides literally birthing her children and paying for them I have her entire job as a mother and it's EXHAUSTING I've been doing this since I was 7 and I'm tired I don't want to drive my siblings everywhere, I want them to get rides and I want to be able to stay out and go to my boyfriends whenever I want and not get kicked out for just doing that much. My dad told me I'm not allowed to be an adult till I graduate, which, granted, is in a few months, but I don't even know if I can at this point. Im so burnt out, my grades are slipping and the senioritis is kicking in, and I literally get so anxious I start shaking or panicking sometimes thinking about all I have to do in a day, and even worse, when I go home I don't even get a break. I don't want to clean my house because it's disgusting, and even when I get it perfectly clean it's ruined within two weeks. Even when I try to upkeep it, it gets horrendous again because I get behind and my family are all sloths. I can't even bring my boyfriend to my house because my parents don't want him to see the mess even though they like him, and he wants to help me clean it or just hang out with me in my room and Im just tired. Idk if I'm the A-hole for not wanting to do all this because my family makes it seem like I am whenever I complain about dealing with my siblings or not cleaning, but I'm just exhausted man.
Also extra background, I used to be a VERY sporty kid just like my siblings, but my mother often likes to tell me specifically how much of a financial burden we all are, how in debt we are, and how she could barely keep taking care of us because we all had things going on. I gave up my favorite sports when I was a child even though I was such a natural at them. My mom even mentioned putting me in to competitions because of how much skill I naturally had and how much I genuinely loved those sports. I probably could have scholarships now honestly, but I gave them up to make stuff easier, and I still give up my time as an adult, and it sucks I still have a curfew, I can't even stay out as late as I used to work anymore. And my father every once in a while complains about how much my mother is putting us in debt and how stupid she is, he yells at her like a child because she acts like she has the maturity and mental processing of a literal child and it's exhausting and always has been.
edit: for anyone who wants to comment CPS or get a job or college 1. we've dealt with CPS multiple times nothing happened and we aren't getting beat anymore and we have food the mold is preventable if my siblings weren't disgusting 2. ill get a job after high school because ill finally have time for it that's just a few months away for me and 3. I'm going into a trade so no dorm opportunities I'm just not college oriented 😭 trust me I know there are things I could do RIGHT NOW to get out but I also have severe depression I get too exhausted I've tried having jobs in high school and I just can't I need to graduate in 2 months first then I can focus on a job.
edit 2: my mother also can't have more kids so at most ill be dealing with 3-4more years if I don't get out within this next 2