u/Budget-Coffee5358

this is a long story so just hang on. Im 14m and I struggle with CSBD and thoughts about SH. this happened because when i was a young boy, around 8-9, my older cousin showed my p**n. he was 10-11. this got me addicted at a very young age causing my CSBD. around the same time my father was deployed and my mom and dad got a divorce. when this happened it caused me depression at a young age, and my dad won custody. my dad is smart and all so he won, but he has physically and verbally abused me many times before. recently, i wore my black shirt two days in a tow, the shirt wasnt that dirty, and i only put it on when i got back from school. anyway, when he found out about this he got really pissed and grabbed me by the neck and also threw me down and wouldn't let me up. my dad also says im stupid, worthless, and i am a disgrace to his name, meanwhile my stepmom mainly just says that ill be in jail or homeless and living under a bridge. these are some reasons why i had SH thoughts and also the day before my b-day my dog was put down. a month later i found out about house of puso, this show really comforted me in a deep way, but i dont know why. Today i rewatched it when having thoughts. i had the kn*fe beside me. i didnt c*t my wrist because of the scene in cleaner where bayani does SH. this show also makes me kinda want to SH though because in messroom, when puso has the traumatic episode, he cuts and all the bad is gone for a moment, and i just want to be able to get it off my mind in a non harmful way but im not sure how.

if anyone can help that would be nice

https://preview.redd.it/vj6knsmxtksh1.png?width=594&format=png&auto=webp&s=7c25a280d02a4cd557da2981035585d64b5a1d31

puso like a saxophone

this is beautiful (even if its ugly)

HoP helps me