BEFORE AND AFTER. I just did them today and honestly I don’t like them, I am not used to them looking sooo dark. Last two pics is how I used to draw them ! I just really wished she didn’t make the front too boxy
Je veux un avis objectif parce que cette interaction me revient encore en tête.
Contexte :
il y a quelques mois, dans mon entreprise, j’avais été mise en avant dans une communication interne type “CEO of the day”/portrait collaborateur.
Une fille du service marketing était présente pendant qu’on me prenait en photo, mais on ne se connaît quasiment pas et on n’a jamais vraiment parlé car nous sommes plus de 400 dans l’entreprise.
Quelques mois plus tard, aujourd’hui j’étais dans l’ascenseur avec elle, une autre fille et un homme. Et là elle me dit directement :
“CEO, tu te ronges les ongles ?”
Je réponds oui, que c’est une habitude.
Puis elle me dit :
“Tu n’as jamais arrêté ?”
Je réponds que si, une fois.
Et juste après, elle et l’autre fille se regardent puis éclatent de rire, dans l’ascenseur puis encore en sortant.
Honnêtement j’ai trouvé ça super bizarre parce qu’on n’est pas du tout proches. J’ai eu l’impression qu’après m’avoir vue mise en avant, elle essayait un peu de me “redescendre” en pointant une petite imperfection/habitude nerveuse devant les autres.
Est-ce que vous verriez ça comme :une simple maladresse sociale,ou une remarque volontairement moqueuse/passive-agressive ?
Et est-ce que vous trouveriez ça déplacé venant de quelqu’un que vous connaissez à peine ?
Vous pensez que je devrais faire quoi?
Est ce que vous trouvez que le Bénin est un pays qui a un problème au niveau du colorisme?
Hello (24F)
I’ve been struggling ever since high school about my looks and had some people calling me ugly. I worked on it because I didn’t have an innate since of beauty and style before.
Now I dress better and generally look more put together. But I really feel like I don’t have innate charm, people gravitating towards me always depends on my styling or my hair.
I just feel so painfully insecure about my looks and shy in general. I compare myself to people a lot, especially Venusian and people with proeminant Venus. I have a beautiful singing voice but the rest doesn’t suit me.
I also feel guilty about everything, like I can’t exist and I can’t cut people off very easily. I don’t have a strong sense of self. I used to have when I was younger but now I don’t trust myself anymore even if it doesn’t look like it on the outside.
I always try to fit in but it’s like I never will be conventional and attractive.
I think my friendship with my best friend slowly broke down after years of crossed boundaries, and now I don’t know if I’m overreacting.
For context, we were extremely close for years. We used to tell each other everything, especially about our relationships. At one point, we were both going through toxic relationships at the same time. She would cry to me about her boyfriend (now husband), and I would talk to her about my own relationship problems too.
But looking back, there were a lot of moments that made me uncomfortable.
One thing that really bothered me is that while I was STILL in a relationship, she tried to set me up with another guy. She even sent me his Instagram herself. One time, she called me and I didn’t know her boyfriend was in the room listening. I specifically asked her if someone was there because I hate people hearing private conversations, and she said no. During that same call, she started talking about another guy she thought would look good with me, even though she knew I was still with my boyfriend.
She also contacted another friend asking if I would “look good” with one of her husband’s friends, again without me agreeing to any of this beforehand.
Then over time, she started involving her husband in EVERYTHING. Personal voice notes I sent her would suddenly be listened to in front of him. Every girls’ night somehow turned into him showing up too. Sometimes I would organize sleepovers at my house and even after clearly saying it was just for girls, he would still appear. I felt uncomfortable but didn’t know how to address it without sounding rude.
I also found him intrusive in general. For example, he would thank me for basic things I did for her, even things I had already been doing for years as her close friend. It felt strange because it was like he inserted himself into dynamics that existed long before him.
Another thing that bothered me is that she once contacted my mother because she thought I was in a toxic relationship. For clarity, my ex was not physically abusive. Meanwhile, she would ask me NOT to contact her own mother about serious issues happening in her relationship, like her boyfriend using her bank card without her consent. So I started feeling like there was a double standard.
The final situation happened after she got married. We genuinely tried to make plans with her multiple times, but she was almost never available. Nobody got angry about it. Then one day, her husband messaged our entire friend group telling us we needed to spend more time with her and include her more.
I was honestly confused because from my perspective, we HAD been trying.
So I privately messaged her asking if maybe he meant he wanted us to organize something special for her because I didn’t fully understand the message. She claimed she didn’t even know he had sent it.
Then I gently asked her if she felt excluded lately because of the message he sent. I mentioned that we had invited her to outings before (including a birthday event she declined herself), so I was confused.
That’s when she got defensive and angry. She basically told me I was wrong for being upset about her husband “doing something nice” for her. Then she started comparing me to another friend, saying that person would never react the way I did. She also suddenly brought up old unresolved issues between us, including a past disagreement about money.
At that point, something changed for me emotionally. I realized I had spent years ignoring small boundary violations because I loved her and wanted to preserve the friendship.
We still speak now, but I don’t trust the friendship the same way anymore. It feels distant and surface-level now.
Am I overreacting for feeling like this friendship slowly became unhealthy over time?