u/BudgetArtistic

My father passed away a week ago. Only now am I realizing how bad his dementia was. He was someone you could categorize as having a high cognitive reserve, and I believe that hid it.

In the last few years, it was clear he had dementia, but I thought it was mild. He was living alone and would get confused: He started watching sports over tv shows as I don't think he could follow the storyline. But he was able to have a good conversation, etransfer his rent on time, remember lots and more or less manage himself. It wasn't until Christmas 2024 that I spent a couple extra overnight days with him that he had incontinence and I realized it was more progressed - but even then, I thought it was a warning sign.

I tried and tried to get him in a home, but he refused. In 2025 he would get lost driving often until December 2025 he drove into a ditch, and license was removed. That really took his progression downhill. Even then he would always remember me, crack jokes, and remember quite a bit. I had home aids going in trying to warm up food, but he refused to eat and would only drink cans of coke. He was always an unclean man so the refusal of showers and personal aid was no different than his baseline.

Then in early June, his friend went to visit and he collapsed at the door and was unconscious for a good 20-30 seconds. Two weeks later, he fell again and a home aid found him on the floor. He went into hospital with dehydration/kidneys not working/high calcium, got pneumonia, and passed away at 77....just three fays after admission. He seemed so young to go, but the doctor looked at his scan and said the dementia was way worse than what he would expect for a man his age. But he hid it well, or at least, hid the severity of it well, and I feel incredibly bad about this.

Guess I am sharing for support and to remind people that dementia can show up differently for people. He never forgot who I was, was still sharp, but nevertheless declined significantly over the course of 6 years.