u/BudgetFloor6553

Research and academia have been a welcome friend the past 7 years, I went from being in the military to completing my undergrad and two master's degrees - proving a lot to myself and hopefully to others in my family. I am the first in my family to graduate high school, much less college and now that I'm here, patiently waiting to hear back on PhD applications, I am completely lost.

Like most older academics, I'm beginning to look around and think now what? I don't have a promising career, I don't have an established family, I've managed to travel a lot but I don't even know if I like science anymore. My background is in health policy/public health so obviously at this point in time it all feels a bit hopeless. I want to make a difference, I want to help, but will another publication even do anything?

I dunno - sometimes it feels like academia is one big circle jerk of who's the most accomplished (sorry if that's crude). I can't help wonder if I am wasting my life on something that might not even help the world - even when I remain optimistic about the future. How do I get this passion back? I used to love research and learning, recognizing patterns in the literature and coming up with more questions than answers. Or am I just another burnt out academic

Hi anyone - curious if anyone has experienced the same, though well aware of its dependence on family dynamics.

I've visited home for the first time since living abroad for nine months. The homesickness waxes and wanes, but I have been so desperate to get home to my family and home state in the U.S.. That being said, this trip has been awful, lol. The rose tinted glasses of seeing my family have fallen off and I have been reminded of the difficulties and deep-rooted issues that exist between myself and my parents, along with them and other members of our famliy.

In Scotland, I have a very peaceful life with my current partner, where we know our neighbors and our local shopkeepers, we maintain friendly conversation and are working to build our community. I'm unsure if this is just the state of the U.S. these days and I've never been so fully aware until leaving, but people here (including my family) feel volatile, not as friendly or outgoing, selfish? (generalization, I know).

Just curious if anyone has painted this picture in their heads of going home - only to visit and realize how important it is that you leave once again.