Im MISERABLE over a sudden crush
Hi im here again this is terrible. Over the past 2 years this girl shoved himself into my life and absolutely ruined me. I have been questioning my own sexuality and ignoring it plus putting it down in fear of looking less attractive to him. It was horrible. It still is. I recently came out and I described my asexuality plus aromanticity in the most "I WANT TO DATE" way ever. Did not work. They dont understand how aroace people work. I've been overwhelmed by the returning feeling of having a crush on him after coming out because all the feelings resurfaced SUDDENLY. EVERYWHERE I GO, EVERYTHING I SEE, EVERY SONG I HEAR, I SEE HIM. I AM MISERABLE. I WANT TO CONFESS. I want to confess I really do, but im afraid. Im not afraid of rejection, that, im okay with. What im afraid of is hurting them by sacrificing our friendship. I feel like im acting in a selfish way by suddenly wanting to confess all of my feelings because of how suddenly stirred i have become because of the existence of his perfect being. I feel like It's selfish because im okay with rejection, im okay with not being friends, im okay with getting blocked and thrown out of their life so that i can finally move on, close the chapter, and LIVE ON. NO COMPLICATED FEELINGS AND JUST ME BEING AROACE IM PEACE. I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ROMANTIC FEELINGS WORK I JUST KNOW I AM EXPERIENCING THEM BECAUSE OF HOW OVERBEARING THEY ARE. Anyway. Im okay with getting hurt but I really dont want to hurt him. I dont want him to be sad over a friendship being lost and I dont want him to be alone after he feels like it's too much to talk to me after I confess. I hate to imagine it. I hate imagining him becoming sad over losing a friend that has been there in very tough times and maybe think about the vulnerable moments as performative only because i liked them. I hate it. Everything I have done has been genuine. I dont want them to hurt over something I can quite literally keep bubbled up for however long just for them to be happy. But i cant. These feelinsg have been with me for almost 3 years. I cant go on. I thought they were gone and no they werent. I want to be rejected and just be friends. But idk if i could be their friend after this. He's everything LITERALLY. THIS IS TERRIBLE IM CRYING OVER A GIRL AND TURNS OUT IM A LESBIAN AS WELL. I HAVE DISCOVERED SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF BECAUSE OF THIS GIRL AND ITS SO BADDSS SOSOSOSO SOOOO BAD okay. Thank you. I will confess. I dont know when but i will. I wont confess on their birthday though that'd be cruel and idk why i even thought of that. I need to confess soon. It had to be after september because June is a terrible month to confess in.