I'm tired of being a mom
I'm so tired. I have an 18, 17, and 15 year old and I'm just exhausted. High school has been rough for both of my oldest. My daughter had great grades, but hated school. My son has been a nightmare. He's a good kid, but hangs with the wrong kids, and has put zero effort into school. He failed three classes this year (junior) and will have to take summer school. He doesn't think there's a point to anything, and is happy just sitting around smoking weed. I've put so much effort into my marriage of the last 19 years to try to hold it together and keep kids happy, that I've completely lost myself. I'm 42. I just feel angry, and alone. I don't have parents or parents in laws that help. My husband is an alcoholic and by the grace of God has been sober for the last few years which has been extremely helpful, but I feel that there is so much resentment towards him for all the years that I had to deal with him and raise babies without much help. My youngest is a good kid, and he starts high school in the fall. He seems to be looking forward to it, and has his eyes set on ROTC and being on the bowling team. I hope that I can keep his motivation up, and inspire him to work hard and enjoy these different activities. But I'm just tired. I don't even want to talk to my older boy or daughter sometimes. I deep down want them both to move out and I hate myself for it bc life is expensive and I want them to know they have a place here, but getting them to do anything or not sleep until noon has exhausted me beyone measure. My husband is a good person, but I think he burnt bridges with our two oldest during his drinking days and won't take responsibility for that, so I feel like I'm constantly putting out little fires to keep the house calm. I tried talking to a therapist but it didn't feel right. I literally just want to throw the towel in. I love my kids but I just want to be done.