I (15F) finally reported my grooming and assault. Now I have to decide whether to press charges, and I feel so alone.
i was sexually assaulted ect back in march with an older boy (18). i cut him off in april after it completely consumed my mind. i couldn't sleep, i didn't tell anyone but my friends, and i was spiralling for god knows how long. i questioned (and still question) what happened to me a lot, it was truly horrible. i was VERY hesitant to report it. i was scared that maybe i was being dramatic, maybe no one would believe me, and i was so scared that i would accidentally make a false report. because im not that kind of person. i was scared to tell my parents, i was scared to be viewed as a weak victim. but i finally reported it. on tuesday, i told my mum that i think i need to report something to the police. she was very supportive and didn't push for me to tell her anything. my step dad drove me and her to the nearest police station.
just to get to the point, i talked with 2 detectives and told them everything. and after what felt like forever, they finally discussed options going forward.
i can stop here and leave it as it is. they still have everything documented and it’s officially known and reported.
i can continue and choose to press charges. if i do that, they’ll take a recorded statement from me that’s more official and could be used in court. after that, they’ll start gathering evidence. they’ll identify him, speak to people i’ve told about it, and collect anything else relevant. once they’ve gathered everything, it goes to a sergeant who decides if there’s enough for court. if it moves forward, they interview him and it becomes a full legal process. so if i continue, i’m really committing to the whole thing.
i can say “not right now” and decide later.
this is such a HUGE and heavy decision that i have to make. i cant have someone make it for me, or influence my decision. this is all me.so i have to ask myself, what justice means for ME. does it mean leaving it at this, it still being on record, and trying to move on with my life and heal? OR i can go forward and they open an investigation ect ect. he doesn't get away with it and he can no longer do anything like this in the future. but its going to be a long and agonizing process that will be painful. i will have to talk about what happened in DEEP detail.and i also got to ask myself if this will help me heal, and if he deserves to just go on like nothing happened.it doesn't sound hard but its not that simple.
i shouldn't have to be 15 making this decision :(
i can barely sleep, go to school, or have a good day without remembering it. its such a huge and heavy thing that i have to carry. im leaning towards moving forward and them doing whatever. but i think as much as i prepare myself for everything, i will not be truly prepared. im going to be seeing my therapist again soon, btw, so please dont worry about that kinda stuff ^^
my friends know the situation, but it feels like they dont really grasp how bad this is. and it feels like they aren't fully there for me. i dont think they have ill intentions, but i haven't gotten A SINGLE message asking how im going. if im okay. it takes maybe a minute or so out of your day to text me "hey how are you going." yk? i feel like they don't understand, and thats okay!! but they dont even TRY to understand. I need them THE MOST, and they said they will support me. But already, you cant even send a single text asking if im okay?
idk. that's all i gotta say. I hope someone gwts it on here. thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this, im extremely grateful.