I think I’m failing my husband
I’ll try to keep this as simple as possible but I do tend to rant, sorry. Also apologies for being on mobile.
I am a full time working mom (night shift), my husband is a full time stay at home dad. He’s having a very hard time being home alone with the baby because of my work/sleep schedule, and I feel like I don’t do enough to take on baby responsibilities.
I leave for work at 6:30pm and I’m home by 7am. I take care of our daughter (11 months) from that time until 10:30-11 (breakfast, bottle, books, playing, bath if needed) to let my husband sleep as long as possible. She usually goes down for her nap between 9 and 10, so the leftover time is when I try to have some alone time or tidy up (pick up toys, laundry, dishes). I’m usually asleep by noon. Husband gets up when she wakes up from her first nap which could be anywhere from noon 11:30 to 12:30. Then he has her alone until I get up around 5:45. In that time before I leave, I help with dinner, pajamas, playing so hubby can take a few minutes to himself, but then he’s alone again all night. On my days off I stay up and help throughout the day and try to sneak in a nap here and there.
The real problem is that baby has been having a rough couple of weeks with sleeping overnight. She’s been sleeping through the night since 6 weeks old, but like every baby she has her rough patches. My husband is also an insomniac, and has physical and mental health problems that keep him awake. He can’t take any medication because he’s home alone with her, and we don’t keep pills in the house.
I do what I can for him, or at least I thought I was doing enough, but he’s been in such a bad state lately. I had to come home early from work last night because it was 5 am and neither of them had slept yet. I can’t keep doing that, it’s the second time in the last couple of months. He was so frustrated last night he knocked over his nightstand and broke the baby monitor (already ordered a new one) and a lamp.
I know what would help would be a break, a nice long break. But he struggles to drive so he can’t take the car, especially at night (except for brief trips to the store a quarter mile away). His only good friend also currently doesn’t have a car and has a difficult schedule to line up with. His family isn’t nearby, we don’t trust mine to watch her for any significant amount of time, and there’s no where safe to walk to (no sidewalks). We haven’t been able to invest in any of his hobbies lately, either. I just don’t know what to do for him. We all love each other so much but this stress is eating us alive and I’m worried about our relationship moving forward if I can’t do something to help soon.
Also in case it’s relevant, I love my job and wanted to work full time, it was an agreement we made when we were dating. He was also working until just after Christmas when he got into a bad car wreck (lucky to be alive) and we decided because of his health concerns it was temporarily safer for him to stay home. We can’t afford a second car right now but it’s a goal in the future. Also he has no history of being violent or abusive and that is not a concern for me. What else can I do? What am I missing?