Breakup help
I like someone. When I used to live in Pune, I met her through Instagram — we had mutuals. We started talking; she was from Delhi, I was in Pune. I was 21 at the time, she had just turned 18. It was long distance from the start, our first relationship — both of us. I really liked her from the beginning. She belonged to a Baniya family. Her family was okay with us dating but expected it to eventually end. She said she would always be there for me. It was beautiful.
I used to visit her every 3 months. After 9 months of long distance, I noticed something unusual — she told me she had written notes about suicide. She was also preparing for CUET at that time. It made me constantly anxious sitting in Pune, worrying she might harm herself.
We used to fight, but normally things would settle. Later, I convinced my parents that I wanted to shift to Delhi to start a business, and they agreed. I left Pune, left my dream of moving abroad for studies, left my diploma in law, and moved to Delhi. I always liked Delhi. Her family said it would be good if I shifted nearby — it would make things easier for us to meet, and she agreed. Instead of moving in with a friend in Saket, I searched for a 1BHK in Rohini and shifted there.
The first month was beautiful — spending time together, living nearby. But then her exams came closer and the fights started increasing. It was peak Delhi summer. She used to call me and say “can you come for half an hour?” We’d talk, and then suddenly after half an hour she’d say “can you go back home, you’re disturbing me now.” That used to irritate me a lot.
I told myself her exams were near, things would get better after. But after she got her college, the fights got worse. One day I abused her because she said something very hurtful — it made her cry. I came to her home, apologized, and promised it wouldn’t happen again. But then it happened from her side too. This cycle started. After a few weeks of a normal fight, she slapped me. I didn’t abuse her. I left her house, went back to my hometown in Uttarakhand, and continued the argument over the phone. She apologized. I thought it happened, let’s not break up.
She always used to say “people leave me” — two of her closest school friends had also left her. Hearing that made me feel I would never leave or cheat her. But the fights kept escalating — abuse and violence started from her side for about 2 months. Then one day it happened from my side too — I pushed her and slapped her. That made me feel guilty. This wasn’t the person I had imagined myself in love with. I told her let’s break up, it’s getting worse. But she said it’s love, people stay, we shouldn’t give up, things will get better.
The violence stopped but the abuse continued, and then it started coming more from my side. I was frustrated half the time — watching myself drowning, no business started, fighting for career and relationship simultaneously. It made me drink more. I was drinking beer almost daily for a year. Things became toxic — abusive, sometimes violent. Then we both tried to make things better. For one month we didn’t abuse each other, fewer fights. That month felt good — February 2025.
But in March she did that same thing again. It made me angry. The abuse continued. She used to say “you can’t do anything” — I felt hopeless with my career. Somehow I started working near my area just so I could spend time with her — doing the job only for that reason. The day I started the job, we had a fight. I thought it was normal. But she left. She never came back.
After 20 days she came back and tried talking. I was so angry I shouted, said let’s break up, don’t talk. After 3 days it became horrible — drinking, frustrated. I told my parents I was quitting the job and coming back. She didn’t come to see me off. Just sent a message — take care.
It was hard. I tried talking on 1st June. She didn’t. For 2 months we fought. I tried through email, begging her to come back, saying I love you and all. She blocked me everywhere and started adding new people. She used to say she just talked to them. I used to get annoyed, shout, abuse. For 2 months it went like that — I abused, she abused.
But after August 2025, I stopped completely. I tried until today — waiting for her for a whole year. More than 500 mails, more than 500 calls, even more from other numbers. I begged her please don’t leave. She would yell and abuse. I kept thinking she’s just angry, maybe she’ll talk eventually. That hope kept me alive through the whole year.
I visited every temple. I prayed for her. I prayed that God would make her come back. That eventually made me realize I should work for myself. I started therapy. But she never talked to me properly. Whenever she did reply to a mail, it was yelling — you deserve this, abuse, all of that.
This April, first week, I wrote her a letter. By end of month she hadn’t replied. Today I called from my cousin’s number. She yelled and abused — fuck off, I can’t see myself with you.
Still, I wish for her. I still love her.
I feel she is avoidant — her family is like that too. I don’t know if I should wait more, or try sending mails, or what. She said she is seeing someone, but my gut says she still loves me. I feel she’s saying that just to push me away so I’ll leave. But leaving her will always make me feel in the future that I left someone I loved more than anything.
I’m trying every way I can. I can’t let her go.