Being with an older man at 16, it’s affecting me years later and I need advice how to get over it.
I don’t know how to title this. I use this account purely to lurk and occasionally comment.
I was just sitting on my couch, ordering McDonald’s when something matured inside of me and now I feel sick to my stomach and I’m so mad at myself. It’s been two years since this happened, and I’m moved away by now — in the marines, living in NC. I worked at my small town McDonald’s since 15, I had a workers permit. I worked in the kitchen on grill, fryer, and eventually moved up to Assembly table. The majority of who I worked with in the kitchen were men in their 20s up to their 60s. There was a guy in particular, im gonna call him Big-C. Big-C and I’s relationship was nothing beyond playful banter and a lot of teasing, he was freshly 24 and had a girlfriend who also worked at the same McDonald’s who was a few years older than him.
They ended up breaking things off after two years around Valentine’s Day, I’d received a message from him on Snapchat about it. We started talking, and he brought up how our GM said he should ask me out. She described me as hard working, I came in at any time of any hour whenever they needed me, I’d take on every shift I legally could and she appreciated how I’d always check up on her every time I came into work. I barely remember what happened after that, but we started talking more, playing online games together, and I eventually started taking shifts to be scheduled with him. (Since he’d work from 8-4 and I’d work 4-10). I was 16 at the time and my 17th was 6 months away. Everyone kept telling us it’d be fine as long as it was strictly platonic until my next birthday. (The state I’m in the age of consent is 17 if you already haven’t figured that out.)
Things progressed, from stolen glances to small hand holds when we were on table, to hugs in the freezer when he’d help me stock. 3 months away from my birthday was the first time we kissed in the freezer, and it didn’t stop there. We were never involved sexually, but every time after my shift or his shift we’d find excuses to stock together to go makeout in the freezer for 5 minutes or more.
I eventually quit and ghosted him after his ex was suspecting something was going on between us, I’d occasionally drop by McDonald’s after I’d quit and he’d stare at me from the assembly table. But now that I’m thinking about it, it just makes me sick. I’ve never told anyone, I never thought I’d be able to, but recently it’s been affecting my work, and I needed a way to tell SOMEONE. Thanks for listening to my disgusting confession, there’s a lot more where that came from.