Confessing the truth
I’ve never really talked about this out loud, and I’m not even sure if anyone will respond. However I think I should just write it out anyway. I’m F25 and I’ve been addicted to porn (mostly erotica now) since I was 11. I remember starting to see it on my iPod touch, and then I even went on chat rooms and had adult men ask me for nudes and I gave it to them. I think it really fucked me up sexually. There have been times where I’ve gone up to year without it. But it has always come back. The worst part is how now I can’t feel turned on unless I feel like I’m being used and dirty. Ive been single since I was 18 because I find it so hard to accept being loved and treated well, and I’m so afraid I’ll have to share this with my future partner. How will I ever have normal sex life? Ive mostly stopped watching porn because my sister was human trafficked a couple years ago and I can’t help that think the girls in the video are facing what my sister faced. But I’m still really into reading it and it makes me sick. The worst part is the way that it’s effected the way I see myself. People (women especially) like to keep this addiction a secret. But the truth is it affects every single area of our lives. We don’t get away with it. Every time I think I’m free I get sucked back In. I have porn blockers on my internet now. But I can even find stuff here in Reddit when I want to.
I’m just so tired of feeling the shame, I never want to feel this again. How do I become set free for good?