r/pornfree

About almost 4 months ago, after a quite awful session, I decided that I need to stop watching porn again. For a long time, I decided to let go of control of my addiction and see what happens, but that didn’t lead me to anything good. So, after being reminded about it by a friend, I tried a simple method I haven’t really tried before: a mantra constructing an identity of someone who doesn’t watch porn. I repeated it in my head several times a day, for about a week.

To my surprise (and shame), it worked. I kept ignoring such a simple method for such a long time, because “it was so simple and could never work for me“. I am almost angry at myself I didn’t try it much sooner, which could save me years.
Anyway, I really didn’t want to watch porn for 3 months. Only after about a month I even remembered I was ever not abstaining. For the first time in years, I fet truly free. That I had nothing to hide. Almost like a rock has been lifted off of me mentally and spiritually.

But about a week ago, I felt something I hadn’t fully felt in years: dissatisfaction with my life. Sure, it happened here or there, but not for as long. I managed to think through a lot of aspects of it and come to a conclusion that I am unhappy and need change.

The fact that those repressed feelings were coming out meant that I was on a path to healing, but they also made staying sober more difficult.
Over the last few days, I felt that I started slowly crossing into more “yellow zone” behaviors. Manageable for now, I feel like at some point I might start bargaining with myself, or during a sleepless night, just go and seek out porn.

Being pornfree for this long is a great experience. It hasn’t made me see brighter colors, unlocked my emotions or solved my problems. If anything, it only shone the spotlight at my problems, such as my problematic compulsive sexual behavior. But one thing it has given me is being at peace with myself. I don’t want to loose that.

I have friends who know about my struggles, but they don’t really understand them. There isn’t too much point in telling them this. So I am afraid that, if I let myself wallow in this possible relapse without doing anything, one quiet, unremarkable night, the addiction will just come back into my life again, and I won’t be able to control it for who knows how long.

So, once again, I come here for advice and support.

I don't watch porn at all anymore, it's been a long time.
Now, I do jerk off to random photos of regular girls.
Also, I was interested in a sex doll, and searching for one online, I started to jerk off to those as well.

Anyway, question... is my jerking off to girls without porn and sex dolls just as negatively rewiring my brain as with porn?

I've been reading here for a while. What keeps coming up is that the blocking apps don't really work, so I'm trying to understand what does.

If anyone's up for it, I'd like to ask a few questions in writing. DM or chat, whenever suits you.

I used to watch porn guys and I’ve into a relationship with this girls right
So we had sex a lot
And while we finish
My penis feels numb; I can't feel the front half at all. Everytime
I also experience a drop in energy and lingering fatigue in the days that follow. Furthermore, I find myself highly distracted by women and constantly craving sex. The way my brain reacts to normal sex feels identical to watching porn, only much more intense.

I've been an addict since I was 12 and a friend of my older brother gave him a CD with "games" on it. Supposedly it did have games but we could never get it to work. I was persistent however and looked in every single folder of the CD for the answer to how to make them work. What I found was porn. A lot of it. And even though I broke that CD years ago, some of those pictures are still burned in my brain.

I had my ups and downs over the years, with the maximum I could keep clean being about 3 or 4 months at a time (but only once or twice). I kept it a secret from absolutely everyone, since I am a very devout Christian and I sincerely love God, His teachings and every blessing I've had. Unfortunately, I never put the effort in quitting that I should have.

After many years, I started a relationship with an incredible woman. Smart, beautiful and devout. She had her flaws, obviously, as everybody in the world does, but it was clear that she was the One. We got married and would've lived happily ever after.

My addiction didn't go away, however, and after some rough patches without intimacy, I fell into the same trap again. I entered a cycle of disgust, depression and masturbation to porn. She found out, eventually, because I confessed it to her, and even though she was distraught, she let it go with my promise to stop. And I was able to, for a while, but I failed again and re-entered the cycle.

A couple of days ago, we were about to be intimate, but she was very tired and asked me if I could wait until the following night. I said that it was fine and we went to sleep. I truly believed I could be strong for just that one more day, but I couldn't, and I did the worst thing I've ever done.

The next day I made her breakfast as usual and she basically ran out the door, as usual, for sleeping until it was kinda late. I stayed in to work (I've been working from home for a couple of months) and had the absolute roughest day. Everything seemed to be going wrong, I was feeling terribly and I took a break to scroll for a bit. I read a story about a guy who had an affair with his sister-in-law and it made my mind start wondering. I had read similar things before, but they disgusted me, but now it made me think of doing something terrible. I thought that we weren't going to be intimate that night or the next or the next either, I thought that I could do something terrible and just feel good for a couple of minutes. And then I did it... I looked up (completely regular) pictures of my wife's sister, downloaded a couple of them and started masturbating to them, but I couldn't go through with it and I felt awful and disgusting.

After that, I prayed, truly prayed for God to help me be free of these terrible thoughts and feelings. I put the phone aside and cried for the terrible thing I just did. I promised myself that was it, and it truly has been and it truly will be. I did something that's the lowest of the low and I am working, started therapy and the feelings have completely faded. I haven't felt even slightly tempted since.

However, I forgot to delete the pictures, and a couple of days later, my wife saw them. My phone was always available for her to check because she has trust issues (from previous partners) and I wanted her to know that I had never and would never cheat on her. But after she saw those pictures, her heart broke. She asked me about them and I confessed what I did. She's devastated and I am in agony for causing her so much pain. I love her. I've loved her more than anything for many years and I did something that she could very well never recover from. She says that we'll finish our lease, look for separate apartments and sign the divorce in December.

I feel terrible. I've never felt worse in my life. I hurt the person I promised to love, cherish and protect in the absolute worst way I could've done it. I have promised to change my life and I am in that process, but I don't know if she'll ever be able to trust me or anyone ever again. I wish I had never been born, so she could've been with someone that wouldn't hurt her.

I know that it'll take nothing short of a miracle for us to stay together as a happy marriage, but I believe in the one that can make that miracle happen. If you believe as well, please keep my wife, my marriage and myself in your prayers. I know God has seen my regret and my desire to never falter again, and has forgiven me, but erasing the hurt I've caused will take a long time.

And if someone is still struggling with this addiction please, just please take action now before it's too late, before you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life. Call a psychologist, call a friend, ask for help from someone who won't judge you and please stop. You can do it, we all can. Erase everything you have downloaded or paid for, block sites that tempt you, delete people that tempt you from social media or delete it completely. Don't even look at something SFW if you know it'll make you feel that need to go further. Learn from my mistakes and do something to be free...

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I relapsed twice in the last couple of months when trying to quit porn. Once after 7 days and once on third day.

Both the times I did not go to porn due to urges, it was for stimulation. For me porn is the ultimate "no effort reward" that gives me the maximum stimulation. As long as I am over stimulated I will look for something that stimulates me more to get that dopamine hit and end up at porn.

Activities like doom scrolling sit at a place where they keep you over stimulated but less stimulating than porn. I can't quit porn without quitting other no/low effort reward systems of my brain.

What's your opinion on this?

I don't usually do the round number posts, but today felt like a good day to actually stop and look back instead of just moving through it.

568 days. A year and a half, plus change. When I started this, I genuinely didn't know I could get this far. The version of me back then couldn't have imagined feeling like a whole person again, but here I am.

It hasn't been a straight line, not even close. There were weeks that felt like standing still, days that felt like sliding backward, moments I almost gave up entirely. I've posted some of the hard ones here, the flat days, the urges that wouldn't quiet down, the shame that still shows up uninvited sometimes. I don't think this milestone means any of that stops happening. It just means I overcame those moments and came out the other side a little bit stronger.

What's actually changed isn't that the struggle disappeared, it's that I don't succumb to it anymore. I always try to do something positive, even on the bad days. I feel things instead of numbing them.

If you're early in this and 568 days feels impossibly far away, it was for me too, once. You don't have to see the whole road, just the next day. That's how you actually get here.

Thank you to everyone in this community who's read, commented, or shared their own story alongside mine. It's made this less lonely than it would've been otherwise.

It's over. I am convinced that I am beyond redemption. My porn addiction had caught up to me. All my dreams and plans I had for my future are destroyed by me due to this addiction. I am waiting for the day my mind will take over me and I decide to delete myself.

To the people battling porn addiction, I regret to inform you that you will never escape it. It's over.

I don't have anyone to blame but myself.

Waiting for the afterlife to pay for my choices

Hi everybody, I just wanted to see if anybody here had the same experience as me. I’ve found that as I use pornography less and less (about 15 days free now), I find that I also have less of an urge to masturbate, or sexual stuff overall. Anybody else? Idk whether it’s a good thing or bad thing tbh 😅 neutral maybe?

22F, and have been addicted to porn since I was younger than a teenager. After years of trying to stay clean I’ve somehow miraculously hit 7 months. Something that always kept me going was knowing it would eventually get easier, since months 1-3 were actual torture for me. I always imagined the urges eventually go away or at the very least become uncommon. However I still get extremely strong urges once a day or every other day.

Is it impossible to completely recover? Will the urges always come back at the same intensity? Not sure how much longer I can keep going if this will be the rest of my life

I find that this subreddit has a clear lean towards relapse posts and descriptions of people really struggling, which obviously is natural and alright. I do miss the success stories, though, and maybe the people who's got a handle on this addiction, with long streaks, forget about reporting their experience. Success stories are very motivational, I think, and they've been a big help for me in my recovery. But it'd be nice if more people wrote them. I think it's also good to write success stories for the one who's writing it, because it reminds them of the journey they've done and might prevent complacency.

Reading about relapses and talking about relapses might paradoxically put the thought of relapse into your mind. We walk where we look, so to speak. So if we're constantly talking about how difficult this is, it might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm not saying that it's easy, not at all, I'm just saying that perspective is important.

I'll make sure to write one when I hit 30 days in a day or two, to contribute.

Stay on the right path, friends! Much respect.

I don't know, I feel bad about it and it feel wrong on me, I am a big guy and it looks almost funny on me and I cannot believe it's supposedly above average, it makes no sense.

It's not even just porn, I've seen in most female centered subs on reddit that size matters and a lot, only in mixed sub they seem to say they don't care. I looked around on r/women and other subs and there are a lot of posts where there is complaining about the guy size and a lot of comments agree with tons of upvotes. Irl it's even worse and most of the women I talk to, mostly friends, talk about a big penis as if it's a crazy bonus and for a lot fundamental.

I am not seeing the "size does not matter" in the real world discourse at all.

The enemy is so far in the rear view mirror you can’t even see it anymore.

I had to overcome the 18+ rule just so I could figure how to end this.

I've been addicted to viewing porn/jerking off for some time now. It started off with a weekly thing. Then it became daily and now twice a day. I have no idea how to stop to be honest. I try to distract myself but I end up doing it. I even wait, maybe 2-3 hrs but still it's stuck on my mind. It's mostly causing me emotional distress, and that feel of losing control.

I struggle a lot with depression and loneliness, even before getting addicted, but now I can't even tell if it's worse or not. The shame I'd usually feel afterwards is like.. non-existent and I feel ashamed about it, not the deed. Like some weird cycle. I think there's a little bit of hope in me, left still. Everytime the urge comes, I still try to distract myself but end up folding in mins.

I live a very boring life. At time of writing, I'd watch a few shows on Netlifx, jerk off, scroll on Insta and jerk off once more before heading to bed. On school days, it's just school and come home, jerk off, study, play some games and head to sleep. Feels like I'm rotting. I've got no confidence to do anything, or to even set myself to achieve something, because there's this constant self doubt and a "no way I can do it".

Maybe this insight works? I have no clue but here goes. Sometimes, I figure it's the want to watch and not to the actual deed so I look around for a couple mins and everytime I js keeping giving myself up. My record for this month of keeping away is 2 days (only because I was at a sleepover). If this goes on, I might lose my sanity with no explanations to anybody.

I haven't exactly talked to people who've gotten over this kind of thing. I appreciate any input.

I’ve been using porn for 4 years now and it feels like it’s impossible to quit. I’m afraid that my brain is permanently damaged because of porn usage in my development years. ive listened to the Huberman podcast and he talks about neuroplasticity and your brains ability to heal, does anyone know if that is true?

i’m the gf of someone on this subreddit. just seeking advice from others

we never had porn issues until recently we hadn’t had sex in a while, and i found out he had relapsed on a previous porn addiction (he lied to me that he didn’t watch porn). specifically it’s a lot of cuck porn.
i never knew he was into this bc he’s always been really dominant, vanilla sex. we had a really good sex life, averaging like 2x a day and sometimes doing it 10 times in a day. it was always very wholesome, like telling each other i love you / i only want to be with you / etc. it’s so crazy to me that he’s into being cucked, it’s usually what he watches
but the real problem is that i think this fetish is why he keeps sabotaging our relationship. he will read through all my texts with past hookups, he read through my diary from years before i met him. he’ll get off to the idea of me being with other men. he convinced himself cheated on him and went through like a psychotic episode about it. i he did things like this when he was sad and insecure, gets off to it, and gets even more sad about it. he has had very bad depression throughout his life and sabotaged all his ex relationships. he’s cheated to make them want to get revenge, and gets off to the feeling of being sad. he convinces himself that he’s poor/small/pathetic and gets off to that, gets sad about it, and continues.
has anyone dealt with anything similar? it’s so strange to me, i don’t know if this is common

My husband has supposedly overcome porn addiction and I don’t buy it. This morning, I woke him up with a bj, small handy and then a ride. As soon as the ride started he went limp. I am over it because that was the tell tale sign before:

Am I being impatient or is it reasonable ai don’t want to have sex anymore because of this kind of crap? We went 2 years without sex and rarely before that…in our 20s and 30s. If I was neglected for that long since he was doing his own thing, I feel he should accept my abstim mrna’s well.

Am I wrong? to; dr

tl;dr

My motivation is so I don't have to keep secrets about my life anymore and don't get distorted mental models of my ideal reality. I can reliably make it to 7 days.

I’ve been noticing that porn escalates tastes over time, making normal stuff less appealing and pulling people toward things they never used to care for. Did anyone else experience a shift in their preferences or orientation while addicted, and did it reset after quitting?