u/mochaaddictz

22F, and have been addicted to porn since I was younger than a teenager. After years of trying to stay clean I’ve somehow miraculously hit 7 months. Something that always kept me going was knowing it would eventually get easier, since months 1-3 were actual torture for me. I always imagined the urges eventually go away or at the very least become uncommon. However I still get extremely strong urges once a day or every other day.

Is it impossible to completely recover? Will the urges always come back at the same intensity? Not sure how much longer I can keep going if this will be the rest of my life

I’m 22F and my boyfriend of over a year is 24M. Since the beginning of our relationship we’ve been open about ourselves and what we like, and both of us are into things like cnc and (consensual) rape play.

I have a feeling this stemmed from us both being exposed to porn at young ages, like most people nowadays unfortunately, but I can’t help but wish I didn’t have it. It’s more so me who likes being in the submissive during cnc, and it’s extremely hard for me to come to terms with it afterwards.

Before anyone asks my boyfriend is incredible about it and always takes good care of me after. I’ve spoken to him about it before and he has offered to remove the dynamic from our relationship but that’s the thing, I wouldn’t want it removed.

I just can’t shake the feeling of hurting people who were actually assaulted. I get turned on by just hearing the word for as long as I can remember, which is not a fantastic feeling considering it’s usually brought up in horrific contexts. It’s destroying my mental health and I feel like a bad person. I also feel weird about the fact that my boyfriend likes it as well, and yes I know I’m a hypocrite for that. I don’t have any actual fear he would hurt me though.

How do I get over this? If it’s bothering me this much would it be best to not act it out with my partner? I have no desire to stop it in the moment, it’s only afterwards where all my terrible thoughts come in. Is there a way to rewire my brain to not like it? Any advice at all is appreciated.

My friend (21F: I’ll call her Lola) and I (22F) have been friends since we were in elementary school. We never had any major fallouts or arguments, and we spoke pretty much every other day. I never imagined something like this would happen, and I’m wondering if I even did the right thing or if I’m being an AH.

(For context I have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for over a year, and I know it sounds bad to throw away a lifelong friendship for him which is why I feel so terrible I guess).

When I first started dating him, Lola had immediately made rude remarks to me about his appearance and said I deserved better. She would also say things like he was treating me poorly by making me pay my share at some expensive restaurants (he’s in medical school and struggling financially). I let this slide for a while since I thought maybe it was just girl talk but eventually told her she was being kinda disrespectful because I was genuinely serious about our relationship. She apologized, but things only escalated.

She started to make comments on the fact my boyfriend is black (I’m white). Since Lola is black too, I felt it was maybe something I shouldn’t have an opinion on but it made my partner and I feel weird to be around her as she’d bring up inappropriate topics of how we wouldn’t of been able to get married in the past or how he’s tainting his bloodline. All jokes, but weird nonetheless.

The last straw was a few weeks ago, when I sent her a photo of us together and she replied with some joke about cotton picking. I told her I can’t be friends with someone who constantly makes jokes about my relationship even after being spoken to.

Lola obviously didn’t receive this well and said I’m revolving my life around a man and can’t take jokes anymore. I feel to some extent she’s right, and I genuinely miss texting her. Was I an AH and doing too much by saying I can’t be friends with her over this? Is this just friendly jokes I’m overreacting about? I actually cannot tell if it’s just me

I recently started working as an RBT (still training) on accident kind of lol. Job was listed as daycare assistant and went in for the interview to find out all the children are autistic, but I was still interested.

Even though I’ve only been working there for a month, I’ve noticed I pick up a lot of clients (especially vocal) stims and sometimes even turn them into tics. I didn’t even imagine this would be an issue until now. I wouldn’t really care to be honest but it’s somehow making them worse and it’s very overstimulating for me to work with.

I absolutely love this job, and love working with the kids. But does anyone else experience this? Do any other neurodivergent individuals work in this field and like it? My manager does not know about my situation, as I never disclosed the medical information to her, should I or is that a bad idea lol?

We’ve been dating for over a year, and he is always invited to all my family events. I invite him to little things too, like my siblings stuff even if he doesn’t come. My family has spent tons of money on him, taking him to high-end dinners and hotels, even invited on a cruise with his own suite. I just feel like saying this is relevant.

Obviously, I don’t expect all of this in return. I’m not asking for free things or to be fed. I don’t like inviting myself, cause I was raised to know that’s just rude & wouldn’t feel welcome anyway. But I literally am never invited anywhere. Anytime there’s a holiday, I always mention he’s welcome if he’d like to stop by. On the other hand, not a word from him. He just says things like “Oh thank you” and then doesn’t come by. His family does do things, and I wasn’t even invited to his graduation…I had to ask and was able to come the day of with an extra ticket.

Current issue;

Now, he’s having his siblings birthday party next week. He told me he wouldn’t be able to see me that day because of the party. I asked who would be there, and there’s a bunch of guests. Even other women…so it’s not like a “boys night.” I said it sounded fun, and he just left it at that. Listen, I know I’m not entitled to be invited to his siblings party. I have spoken to them before, we are a pretty friendly level but I wouldn’t text them privately or anything like that. He was invited to my sister’s party of course, and came and celebrated with us.

Am I being annoying? I understand I don’t need to be at every family gathering but our relationship is pretty serious, we’ve even discussed marriage & a future timeline. I think it’s weird to say the least, but I feel weird bringing it up cause it sounds like I’m spoiled or something. Don’t even know the right word.

Kind of a background:

She’s extremely dear to me, and is more like family than a friend. I’m 22F, she’s 21F, and we grew up together as our parents were also childhood friends.

For context her parents are divorced, but they grew up in shared custody. She loves her dad, posts him all the time and is constantly hanging out with him and her new half sister. She’s not very close with her mom, because she resents her dad so much.

I found out when I was in 9th grade that her dad raped my mom in college. He actually violently attacked her, while her friend was in the house. I was only told because I had asked to sleepover at her dad’s house and it was immediately shut down. Otherwise, nobody would have ever told me. She made me promise I would never tell my friend or any of her siblings. She took him to court but the friend (my best friends mom) did not believe my mom as she “couldn’t believe” her lovely boyfriend would do something like that. He was later arrested for drug usage and assault on a different woman, which is why my mom reconnected with her old friend as she finally believed her, I know dumb lol.

Actual question:

Normally, I wouldn’t go around sharing family gossip. But this feels different. My best friend is planning to have a baby, and is so excited to make her dad a grandpa. It blows my mind that I’m the only one concerned about this. Nobody wants to tell her that her dad is a rapist? Before she exposes her child and keeps putting herself at risk with him?

When I’ve brought this up with my mom, she claims it’s not my story to tell. Which she’s right, but what about the child’s safety? What about my friend’s safety? I feel like she deserves to know, even if it’s not my choice to make.

I do think she won’t believe me at first, but the case is public to prove it 🤷‍♀️ I have always wanted to tell her whenever I see that man on my screen, but I’ve withheld myself. WIBTAH if I told her what I know? Or should I just keep things how they are? I’d also feel terrible ruining her relationship with her dad since she doesn’t have a good one with her mom.

I’m 22F and about to hit 6 months clean off of a 9 year addiction. It’s been great for my mental health, and my outside relationships have improved greatly. I don’t want to trade it for anything.

However I have a major issue, which everytime I open social media I have an overwhelming urge to peak at nsfw subreddits, tiktok pages, etc. I have the usernames engraved into my head and feel like I’m missing out on new content I could be seeing.

I had deleted social media the first 3 months of my journey, and really don’t want to delete it again as I really enjoy seeing updates on my friends & keeping in the loop of little jokes.

How else can I make these urges go away? Do they ever go away? Will I always just have the urge to peak at porn?

I’m 22 and still unable to do normal house chores on time. I can’t spend time in any of my hobbies because I’d rather do one million other things that never amount to anything. I run around my parent’s house like a child for 3+ hours a day, ruining my joints and banging into walls.

I do want to do other things, and I want to normally go about my day. My hyperactivity is so severe I can’t even eat dinner with family without getting up multiple times with excuses to walk around, and when I am outside all I want to do is sprint around and become irritated cause I can’t. I cannot sit down and do schoolwork or even play video games which I love.

I’ve never met anybody like me with severe hyperactivity and I can’t help it. My body has to be moving 24/7 to feel normal.

How do other people with ADHD even get basic work done? Like laundry and dishes? I feel like I function on a level of a 8 year old. I’ve tried medication, but I can’t take stimulants due to heart issues. Either way they didn’t really help much except maybe with schoolwork.

How do you guys function with bad hyperactivity? I’m 22F, and feel like a 6 year old the way I run around my home so often. I probably total 3+ hours a day just putting my phone down or chores behind me and literally skipping around my house.

I’ve been doing it since before I can even remember, so I have no idea how to stop. Does anyone else experience this? Therapist said she’s never heard of it before and asked if she can share it to another lol.

It really impacts my self worth because I feel like a little kid and around other adults it’s extremely embarassing as I can barely sit in my seat without becoming anxious and restless. I could be having the worst pain or flu of my life and still jump right up into it uncontrollably. My energy never stops 😅

Birth control has horrible side effects for me, I truly have tried almost everything and am just tired of it.

Would using condoms + NFP (tracking fertility cycle) be safe? Has anybody consistently used it? I can’t find much stuff online cause it’s mostly religious people only using NFP or horror stories about condoms ripping. I’d be abstaining during ovulation.

A week ago my boyfriend and I used a condom (2 days after my period ended) to rub against eachother for like an hour in multiple positions. Nothing went inside, but I’m concerned cause technically he was right next to the vaginal opening. I know the chance is low, but is it even worth buying a pregnancy test over if my period is late?

22F, 111lbs, 5’1, non-smoker, no medications.

This is super weird to post, but yesterday I fell (as usual) while figure skating. I’ve been skating since I was young with little to no injuries, but this time my lower back has been unable to move.

I cannot get in and out of my car without help, and need assistance getting upstairs. I’m not sure if this is just a sprain or if I broke something?

The impact was not actually on my back, I fell onto my hip. If that matters at all.

How long should I wait before going somewhere? ER is expensive, but could I risk permanent paralysis if I don’t? It feels like a stabbing nerve up my back every time I move. Family and friends insist it’s probably just a sprain. I’ve been resting with ice, but even laying or sitting causes immense pain.

I'm 22F and my boyfriend is 24M. We have a fantastic relationship, besides this one problem. We both decided to quit porn after using it the first 6 months of our relationship (and all throughout childhood) on new years. Since then, I'm over 5 months clean but he continues to relapse on a weekly basis.

I know it's hypocritical to say this, but every time he relapses I feel like he does not love me enough to stop. I know you can't stop for somebody else, but he is quite literally the one who suggested we stop originally. I love him, but his addiction drains me every day.

We have blockers, time limits, an app we pay $20 a month for so any explicit searches get shown. Eventually about 4 months into this cycle, he had to stop telling me when he relapsed (at both of our requests) because I would become so depressed the entire week. We decided on only sharing milestones instead, which he has never once hit.

I truly do understand it is hard to stop, and without trying to sound like I have some sort of god complex, I feel like it is unfair to me because I stopped for the better of our relationship and he simply can't do it.

Many people ask me to think about how I felt while I watched it and I still loved him, but I feel it is different as he's watching specifically only woman and gets triggered by things like OF models. Idk, when I used to watch it I mainly consumed like just solo woman…so it felt different

What do I even do? I know I should handle it maturely and it's really just a "either deal with it or break up" situation, but I do not want to end it because of an addiction I truly understand and empathize with. He is perfect in every sense, this addiction is just losing me and impacting my mental health to severe levels as silly as it sounds.

I’m 22F and my boyfriend is 24M. We have a fantastic relationship, besides this one problem. We both decided to quit porn after using it the first 6 months of our relationship (and all throughout childhood) on new years. Since then, I’m over 5 months clean but he continues to relapse on a weekly basis.

I know it’s hypocritical to say this, but every time he relapses I feel like he does not love me enough to stop. I know you can’t stop for somebody else, but he is quite literally the one who suggested we stop originally. I love him, but his addiction drains me every day.

We have blockers, time limits, an app we pay $20 a month for so any explicit searches get shown. Eventually about 4 months into this cycle, he had to stop telling me when he relapsed (at both of our requests) because I would become so depressed the entire week. We decided on only sharing milestones instead, which he has never once hit.

I truly do understand it is hard to stop, and without trying to sound like I have some sort of god complex, I feel like it is unfair to me because I stopped for the better of our relationship and he simply can’t do it.

Many people ask me to think about how I felt while I watched it and I still loved him, but I feel it is different as he’s watching specifically only woman and gets triggered by things like OF models. Idk, when I used to watch it I mainly consumed (might be triggering for some) >!solo women, so no men were really involved.!<

What do I even do? I know I should handle it maturely and it’s really just a “either deal with it or break up” situation, but I do not want to end it because of an addiction I truly understand and empathize with. He is perfect in every sense, this addiction is just losing me and impacting my mental health to severe levels as silly as it sounds.

For context | 22F and my boyfriend 24M have a relatively great relationship. He's not at all a bad person and I honestly feel a little guilty coming to reddit over this but I have nobody else to ask about it.

In the start of our relationship, we used to play video games a lot together. Fast forward about a year, and he rarely if ever would want to play together. I found it strange since he plays with his friends nearly every night. I'm not some controlling girlfriend that won't let him play with his friends, but l've caught him hiding his activity before even just so l won't know he's playing games I've been asking him to play forever with his friends.

I finally discussed it with him, to which he said playing video games with his friends just feels different, and he would rather play with them over me. This sounds really bad, but it's not like he neglects me. We spend nearly everyday together, and anything I wanna do or he wants to do we go out and do it. That's why I'm so confused why gaming, something I really love, is a huge issue.

However, the discussion did get a little heated. I yelled and cried at him for not wanting to play with me (I know, sounds childish). He told me I was taking it the wrong way, and he has no ill intentions and just wants to be honest. He also has made comments about how games we used to play at the start of our relationship were "boring" and how he didn't like them. He told me we just don't like the same games either, but we quite literally play a lot of the exact same games. I asked if he can play with me some nights, and he just kinda said "what do you want me to play with you every week?" Like I didn't realize it would be a chore for you, but yeah lol

Is this weird? I understand sometimes you prefer different people and he compared it to how I’d probably rather do my nails with one of my other friends. However, I don’t understand how that correlates because I do play video games and he does not paint his nails..?😅

* note: We do play together sometimes. He has played with me when I’ve asked him repeatedly before, but I always have to be the one to initiate it

I [22F] used to have a porn addiction and am now over 5 months clean, but my boyfriend [24M] of 1 year is addicted to it still and relapses on a biweekly basis despite all our efforts.

My main issue is, when I watched porn there had to be a woman in it. I was purely getting off to imagining how the woman felt. My boyfriend on the other hand can get off to OF models and watches specifically only women without men most of the time (which idk if I should be glad about or not lmao).

So I can’t help but cry whenever he relapses and it’s taking a turn on my mental health. I mean, would he do them given the chance? I know he probably would never date these women, but his addiction is disturbing and I am worried he might cheat or something even though my heart knows he would never do that as we are religious and waiting till marriage.

I guess I’m asking for a man’s perspective, and please be honest, how exactly do you feel about the women you watch? I am worried he is also dehumanizing women as the type of porn he consumes is very violent (I used to watch the same stuff, so I would be a hypocrite to say he’s a bad person for it as I also understand).

I’m 22F, and was raised culturally catholic. I was baptized, told Jesus existed, went to mass on special occasions with my grandparents, but my immediate family was not religious at all. When I was about 20 I started praying again and doing the rosary during a hard time in my life, and a few months after this met my boyfriend who is very very religious.

I told him immediately that I was kind of new to the faith, and didn’t know any basic bible stories or even the basics of the religion as I was very rarely exposed to it as a kid. I genuinely want to be religious, but as I get further into it it’s pretty hard to believe. I’m a very skeptical person, so the whole “adam and eve” and other crazy stories like talking animals is pretty hard to get behind. I love God, and I do genuinely believe there is a God (I would never be atheist), but I’m just not sure how to believe the bible is this ultimate truth written by a bunch of random men.

It is saddening as I have spoken to my partner about my doubts before, and he tries to comfort and explain it to me but at the end of the day he will always be more serious about it than me and I feel sorry for that. He brings up things like raising our children with certain values, and it honestly scares me probably because I just never heard of being raised like that before.

How can I believe? I don’t want to continue to pretend I believe fully. My family constantly bashes my new faith, and even calls me names publicly now. It’s pretty annoying, and might be something that’s weighing me down. How can I stop having doubts and trust God?

TLDR: I was raised very weakly in the faith, want to rediscover it, but I don’t know how and now found myself in a christian relationship.

I 22F have a boyfriend 24M of a year who I love deeply, and honestly see myself marrying in the next few years. Him and I both started the first 6 months of our relationship abusing porn, and decided on January 1st we would remove it from our relationship (for both personal and religious reasons). I should probably mention, I actually had no problem with the porn in the start for some reason. In fact we would even watch it together. So I feel like a hypocrite circling back to him and changing our relationship dynamic.

Fortunately, I am over 5 months clean after watching it nearly everyday since early childhood. My boyfriend on the other hand, continues to relapse on a weekly to biweekly basis. We have accountability apps, blockers, iPhone restrictions, and an app to keep track of our progress.
Unfortunately through all of this (and even meeting with religious leaders) he is unable to quit. This is extremely worrying for me as it ruins my mental health, makes me insecure, and overall concerns me over the fact if we'd be able to stay together or not as I won't bring porn into my marriage. I can see what and when he is viewing on our accountability app which tears me apart as I am generally on the phone while he does it unaware.

He used to tell me everytime he relapsed but no longer does as it was bringing me into fits of hysteria. I have poor mental health and hearing about it sends me into spirals. But it’s important to know he has never hid it from me.

What exactly would be recommended here? Therapy is ideal but out of the picture as of now. Does anybody have advice on how to help him? He genuinely wants to quit, he actually spoke about removing porn from our relationship before I thought about it. Is it true they will always relapse? I don't wanna sound like I have some sort of superiority complex or anything, but knowing I am quitting for our relationship is a major motivation, and it's worrying he is able to relapse while I'm right on the phone. I don’t know how it is for men but it feels like he does not take us seriously.

For context I am 22F and my boyfriend is 24M. We are coming up on our one year anniversary in a few weeks and he recently told me he doesn't want to do gifts after I asked about some gift ideas. This is mainly because he wants to save money, which is honestly fine with me as I'm not very materialistic or anything.
However, I told him I do wanna do something for him and Will bake him something instead & make a more homemade gift. He seemed excited, and agreed to it. Now, this might seem stupid but I know myself and if he does absolutely nothing for our anniversary after I give him my gift I will be down for the day. I really don't want that to happen, but I feel funny asking for flowers. It's weird to ask for gifts in the first place, and especially because he told me he's saving money.
Flowers can't be that expensive right?! Would it be embarrassing if I asked? Maybe I could use a man's perspective on how they'd feel being asked