Issues post baby
I need advice or even someone to tell me it gets better. I was very close with my in laws before having a baby. They have always been over bearing and suffocating but it didn’t seem to bother me before.
I had my son 8 months ago, and my husband and I got in a huge fight with them when he was 8 weeks old. It’s a long story but essentially they just didn’t like our rules, and kept saying they felt like they had to walk on egg shells around me. I had snapped at my mil at church after she was arguing with me about me telling my husband to let people clear out before bringing him around family. When we got into an argument she told me I was “keeping the boys from her,” and “it was HER grandson, she shouldn’t have to ask for permission to do anything.” My fil said pretty much our rules were stupid and the whole family was talking about us, to them. We live 2 hours away from everyone so we were coming down every weekend to visit and when we do that we would stay at their house. (Obviously wish we would have never done that) I would never get to have my baby unless he was hungry. And we didn’t get any time to adjust as a family of 3. No one really came to us and we were desperate for social interaction which is why we started going there. My son was also in the nicu the first week of his life and I had a really scary birth.
When I was pregnant my mil would argue over every decision I wanted to make. Where to have my baby shower, what brand diapers I wanted to use, how much I wanted to spend on the car seat. It was very frustrating and this is where it all started.
They ended up apologizing for being over bearing and they said they just loved our son and even wished he was theirs. Trust me I get it he’s the first grand baby and I appreciate that they want to be involved but it’s so suffocating.
They just are so pushy. They send pictures and videos of him to extended family without me knowing or contenting. I have a rule not to kiss him and my mil is constantly rubbing her face on his or sniffing him. And the second I hand him off to my husband they grab him. They try to call like every day. I have a lot of resentment toward them because of what happened early on, but I feel conflicted because I don’t want to be selfish and keep my son or husband from them. But I can’t stand to be around them more than like a day. They just act like they don’t have to follow any rules.
I’m a huge people pleaser, and confrontation really bothers me. So I’m nervous to say anything and my husband doesn’t really get where I’m coming from. So I just feel like this monstrous villain and I don’t know what to do. I have a lot of anxiety being around them and I feel like everyone in my husbands family just talks crap about me.