AM I the asshole for protecting myself during cancer treatments?
I (F 43) was going through cancer treatments a few months back, and a longtime friend (F 61) would 'check in' occasionally. She mentioned going with me to treatment but never actually offered. She also said she was 'so busy' she could never remember my treatment days and 'didn't know what all that looked like' so I sent her a video a friend from treatment made about a 'day in the life' of someone going through the exact treatment and prep as I was doing, and she said she didn't mess with Tik Tok and wasn't sure what silly video I sent was but wouldn't be watching it. So I dropped it.
She also already had a habit of calling me whenever it suited her and if I was busy she'd just keep calling until I answered. You'd think she was dying at the hospital but it would be 'let's get coffee, I need to plan now, I'm so busy' kind of thing. I was getting tired of this and would start to answer and be available less and less before cancer but when I was in treatment I just didn't have the energy for this behavior.
So on one day before treatment, late on a Thursday night she called me and left a message that she would catch up with me that weekend and just wanted to see what was going on and how I was. She mentioned she 'lost track' of my treatment schedule so she didn't know what days I did what, and that next day was a treatment day and she called during (had she listened to me she'd know that talking during treatment wasn't feasible) and then again right when I was finishing and my mom had called to talk on my drive home and see how things went- my mom did this every treatment day.
So I went home and crashed, thinking I would just 'catch up on the weekend' like my friend said... and then Saturday morning as she and a friend were on their way to the mts like they do every Saturday she was calling again... starting around 8-9 am. I wasn't awake or good at the moment and let it go to voicemail... so she kept calling.
She didn't leave any messages and finally I answered because I felt bad and she went OFF like how dare I, she was just worried, I was so selfish and all she wanted was to check on me, called me a bitch and hung up. She'd gotten her friend to call once so I called her back and she answered then my friend was angry at us both and screamed at me, so I just told her sorry and hung up. She said the friend would 'get over it, you know her, she's a hothead' and then we hung up.
I sent her a text and she didn't tell the friend about it. So I just got mad and blocked her. I waited till I was done with treatment to find some peace and unblock her ( a few months later) and she called about a month later, we played phone tag and finally talked and she was like how dare you, I was just worried and you blocked me, I'm a better friend than you, I understand because my mom had cancer, that's not an excuse to reject people's calls, I'd never treat you that way, etc.
She had to have the last word and hung up (after it got heated) then texted how I was a bad friend to go ahead and block her because she was done with me but would never turn her back on me or block ME, etc. and kept on so I did block her.
I kept saying that I appreciate you and our friendship but this is not fair and I won't be treated this way. She kept coming back with I'm a better friend and you're immature and just dissing me, so I finally sent her a firm, honest but real text and hit block. I just said I cherished what we once were, but that her mom's experience was not mine and it wasn't hers, and she did not know what I was dealing with and I was not a bad fiend for protecting myself and my needs. am I the AH?