My (29F) boyfriend (30F) makes me feel like the outsider in our relationship
Feeling like the outsider in my own relationship
Hi all,
I've been dating a man for over 9 months now, we were friends before we started dating.
One week before we made it official that we were together, he had invited another girl over to hook up after a party, and told me that we weren't exclusive so he didn't feel like he was doing anything wrong. I broke it off with him and told him that I don't date casually and I would want an exclusive relationship. He was upset, went to his two close girl friends to talk about it, and they convinced him to give our relationship a real shot. We talked the next day and agreed to stay together.
Important note: the two girl friends he confided in are straight women, Lucia and Tasha, who made a pact to be life partners, who swore off living with men, will still go out on dates and sleep with other people, but made it clear to me that they chose each other for life.
Lucia and Tasha are really intimately close with my boyfriend. I was really giving friendship with them a good effort, I have spent time, money, resources, planned a joint birthday party for myself and Tasha, and have been cultivating a good friendship and rapport between us.
These efforts have fallen flat and I don't reach out to them much anymore because of how possessive and cuddly and lovey-dovey they are with my boyfriend. They are all over him all the time. He loves them as friends and doesn't want to lose them. They will grind on him, take him out of the room at parties, cuddle him, lick his face, talk about sex in detail, ask about my sex life, etc. I feel like there's been a lot of overstepping from them. They also asked him if they could move into his house and build a shed. Lucia crashed my expensive birthday party dinner between just me and my boyfriend, just to "check in" on my boyfriend. She sat in my seat and put on my coat while I was in the bathroom.
My boyfriend doesn't think I have anything to worry about with them. I told him his PDA with them was gross and other people have asked me in public if I'm okay when they witness their interactions. Lucia has been having an affair with a married coworker and has been talking trash about his wife to anyone who will listen. Obviously, this does not bode well for me if this pattern is something she does and my boyfriend trusts her opinions. And last week, my boyfriend asked me to get an STI panel done. We both did and came back negative, but the fact that it came up at this point concerns me.
My boyfriend wants the four of us to sit down so I can share my feelings and express my boundaries. I feel like I’m being set up to defend myself in front of someone who has already shown she doesn’t respect me.
He wants to talk tonight, I’m trying to go into this situation with a clear head and goals.
How do I approach a group conversation where I’m expected to share my feelings and boundaries, without being outnumbered and without it being used against me?