u/Butterfly7485123

Asalamu alaikum,

I’m coming back for advice because the same issues in my marriage are continuing, and honestly, they feel worse now.

I’ve been married for 2 years, and my husband handles conflict in a way that leaves me feeling completely disconnected and alone in the relationship.

Whenever there’s any disagreement:

• He shuts down and gives me the silent treatment/ stone walls
• He can go days without speaking to me, checking on me, or trying to fix things
• He avoids any real conversation and gets overwhelmed quickly
• Nothing gets resolved, it’s just ignored until he feels better
• He never initiates reconciliation
• The only reason we move forward is because I break the silence
• If I don’t, we would just stay disconnected indefinitely (he went 2 weeks before until I broke the silence)

What’s really starting to affect me now is the emotional impact:

• I feel sooo drained from always being the one to fix things
• I feel resentful because it seems like he doesn’t care enough to try
• I feel disconnected from the marriage entirely when this happens
• It makes me question how someone can treat their spouse this way
• He hates others knowing our business so I haven’t shared this with anyone in my life and I feel so alone

It honestly feels like I’m dealing with someone who refuses to put their ego aside. There’s no accountability, no effort to repair, and no initiative from him at all.

From an Islamic perspective, I was always taught that a husband should take some level of leadership in maintaining the relationship, especially when it comes to resolving conflict and restoring peace. But I’m not seeing that at all.

Instead, it feels one-sided, like he prioritizes his own emotional comfort while I carry the responsibility of holding the relationship together.

I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried being patient, I’ve tried initiating conversations, I’ve tried giving space, nothing changes this pattern.

So I’m asking again:

• Is this something that realistically improves, or is this just his personality?
• Is this behavior something a man can actually change if he wants to?
• For married women: have you experienced this level of emotional withdrawal, and did it get better?
• At what point do I stop trying to fix things on my own? I feel so lost and alone.

I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect effort. Right now, it feels like I’m the only one putting that in.

JazakAllah khair for any advice.

Asalamu alaikum,

I’m looking for honest advice, especially from married couples and brothers.

I’ve been married for 2 years, and I’m really struggling with how my husband handles conflict. I’m trying to understand if this is something that can realistically improve or if this is just who he is.

Whenever we have any disagreement:

• He shuts down or gives me the silent treatment
• He gets overwhelmed easily and avoids the conversation entirely
• He cuts conversations short or walks away before anything is resolved
• He can stay upset for days, and nothing gets fixed until he feels better
• He never comes to initiate reconciliation — it’s always me because I can’t stand the tension
• The house just sits in awkward silence until I give in and try to fix it
• If I try to talk things through, he gets flustered and it goes nowhere
• It feels like things have to go his way or they don’t get resolved at all

What’s hard for me is that we basically don’t communicate. Issues don’t get processed, resolved, or even properly discussed. It just gets avoided.

I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect effort, accountability, and some level of emotional regulation. I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one trying to maintain the relationship.

From an Islamic perspective, I also thought a husband should take initiative in resolving conflict and maintaining harmony, but I’m not seeing that.

So I’m asking:

• Is this kind of behavior something you’ve seen improve in marriage?
• For the brothers: is this something that can change with effort, or is this just how some men are?
• For married women: have you dealt with this, and did it get better?
• What actually helps someone like this change (if anything)?

I’m trying to be patient and fair, but I also don’t want to stay stuck in a dynamic where nothing gets resolved and I’m always the one fixing things. The first year of marriage flew by and I thought things would change and now that we’re coming up on 2 years things are still the same, I feel stuck. Any advice is welcome. JazakAllah khair.

Asalamu alaikum,

I’m looking for honest advice, especially from married couples and brothers.

I’ve been married for 2 years, and I’m really struggling with how my husband handles conflict. I’m trying to understand if this is something that can realistically improve or if this is just who he is.

Whenever we have any disagreement: • He shuts down or gives me the silent treatment • He gets overwhelmed easily and avoids the conversation entirely • He cuts conversations short or walks away before anything is resolved • He can stay upset for days, and nothing gets fixed until he feels better • He never comes to initiate reconciliation — it’s always me because I can’t stand the tension • The house just sits in awkward silence until I give in and try to fix it • If I try to talk things through, he gets flustered and it goes nowhere • It feels like things have to go his way or they don’t get resolved at all

What’s hard for me is that we basically don’t communicate. Issues don’t get processed, resolved, or even properly discussed. It just gets avoided.

I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect effort, accountability, and some level of emotional regulation. I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one trying to maintain the relationship.

From an Islamic perspective, I also thought a husband should take initiative in resolving conflict and maintaining harmony, but I’m not seeing that.

So I’m asking: • Is this kind of behavior something you’ve seen improve in marriage? • For the brothers: is this something that can change with effort, or is this just how some men are? • For married women: have you dealt with this, and did it get better? • What actually helps someone like this change (if anything)?

I’m trying to be patient and fair, but I also don’t want to stay stuck in a dynamic where nothing gets resolved and I’m always the one fixing things. The first year of marriage flew by and I thought things would change and now that we’re coming up on 2 years things are still the same, I feel stuck. Any advice is welcome. JazakAllah khair.