I just wanted to go to a Rave but now my mom just hates me and so do I
I (19F) found out that there’s going to be a rave next weekend and it’s for all ages. Ever since I started getting older, I’ve been trying really hard to go to social events and get out of the house. If I go to the rave next week, it would be my first time going to an event like that.
Earlier, I told my boyfriend about the rave and how I was planning on going with one of my friends. At first, I was hesitant about the rave because I didn’t know anyone that would be interested in attending. However, my friend asked me if I wanted to go and if she could come along. I told her that she could absolutely come. During my conversation with my boyfriend, my mother overheard our conversation and started asking me what a rave was and why I was going to attend.
I explained to her that it was kinda of like a club-ish event but because it was for all ages I didn’t think they were going to serve alcohol. As soon as she heard club, she assumed the location and said that the location was a dangerous place. I explained to her that the venue was not located wherever she thought it was but she continued to say how dangerous it was nonetheless.
Then all of the sudden, she told me that in the location where she believed the venue is going to be “held”, that her coworker was raped there. As soon as I heard that, I told her “I don’t want to hear that”.
I admit, my tone was passive aggressive and I should’ve responded better or not responded at all. Then she asked me why I said that and I responded by telling her it was triggering.
However she ignored me and continued to describe how her coworker was “brutally raped and found naked in the woods”. I told her once more I did not want to hear what happened to her coworker but I guess my words did not matter.
(Also, for some background information, this story has been told to me BEFORE. The story of her coworker is something that isn’t new. I am already aware about what happened to her coworker).
After I told her I didn’t want to hear it anymore, she snapped at me saying that “this is why I don’t like talking to you anymore. You get so defensive as if the whole world is around you. Even your aunt doesn’t like talking to you either because of how you make everything about yourself”. When she said that, I immediately looked down on my lap and cried silently. Her words hit hard and I didn’t want her seeing me cry because that would give her the emotional reaction she probably wanted.
My mom walked away and my boyfriend began trying to calm me down. He explained to me that my mom is just looking after me and doesn’t want anything to happen to me. But at the same time, I swear there has to be a better way of saying how she cares about me? I understand she’s trying to look out for me but what the fuck? I know the older I get, the more evil people there are with ill intentions, but what..
Like my mom tries to go out of her way to warn me about these incidents, but when I was younger and being molested by my uncles, she didn’t do anything and left the decision to have them either “put to jail to rot” or “move away” on 11 year old me. Like excuse me? Up to now I’m still left dealing with trauma from the past and I’m sorry that I have moments where I get easily triggered but you haven’t done anything to help me whatsoever.. Not only that, but she is actively preventing me from going to therapy in fear of having cps take away my siblings for what she failed to do in response to finding out what truly happened to me.
Even though my boyfriend said that this was her way of showing she cares, it just feels like i’m a burden of a daughter that is mentally broken. I know my mom’s words shouldn’t affect me but it does. I don’t want to hate myself for feeling emotional but at the same time I don’t want to seem selfish by making everything about me.. I really don’t wanna look crazy or dramatic like they say..