u/BuzzardISBack-YT

18M and I'm starting to forget my own birth date now. When I was a kid, I used to ponder what the meaning of a birthday is? Personally, I'm a pretty vicarious person, I'm happy when others around me are experiencing happiness. I used to see the gatherings and all as a kid, but since I've grown to this point now, and haven't seen those celebrations in a while now, I feel like it's much more relaxing this way. I don't have many friends, nobody really wishes me birthdays, nor do I expect them to do so atp. I feel like I've grown prone to being lonely. Just being by myself, finding happiness in the happiness of others, makes me feel that I can continue this life.

I turned 18 today, no celebration, no messages, no notification, just myself, and I feel like, it's much better this way. Btw, I literally forgot I was born today😭lmao, I just woke up, it's like 12 pm, slept for 13 hours holy hell!

I think the happiest parts of my life, are probably when I saw other people being happy. People who spend time with each other, caring about one another, and being together at the very end, makes me smile. Now, the parts I hate about my life? Probably when I picture myself, or my portrayal in something. I daydream a lot yet I can never actually come to fight for something in order to act as if it were real. Daydream are like constant dopamine for people, me on the other hand, get a feeling akin to a post nut clarity after I'm done. I hate seeing myself in something, it disgusts me sometimes. Although, I live with my family, I'm always alone, left in my room, finding solace beneath my own design, and as such I've grown prone to loneliness. I was never able to love anyone, both platonically or romantically, and never desired respect or decency. I believe in kindness, I love helping people, I can die if I were to ever use as an investment to save someone and I think, it would be a moment where I wouldn't hate myself. But, I would be a lot happier if someone else saves someone else's life, since I don't like to imagine myself. It's like, for example, whenever I see two hot people, I never imagine myself being intimate with them. Although, I would love it if the people I find hot be intimate with each other. Well, never actually had an interest in love or sex, or marriage or children. I think I like being isolated, a place of my own, earning my wage, raising my political opinions since I want the injustice that happens with other people to end, live a sufficient life and leave the world peacefully. Some people are just not born with the opportunity to enjoy the fruits that the majority enjoys, and I think it's fine, for me at least.

I just wanted to share my perspective of life, because I know, I might be lonely but not alone, and there are people who share the same experiences as me. I might not have anyone or anything worth living for, but I still have myself, so I would like to see where and how much help I can do for the people to be happier, without being directly involved with them. I know it's a bit out of the box with the topics mashing here and there, but I just wanted to share an opinion.