My Afghan Girlfriend
My (21F) Afghan girlfriend and I (25M) have been dating for just over a year.
I am a Canadian born Ismaili Muslim with my family coming from East Africa. My girlfriend and her family moved to Canada from Pakistan a few years after the pandemic and are also Ismaili.
The relationship is going great, we are both involved in our community jamatkhana and we see each other often through that. I am aware of the cultural difference between us; however, her older sister knows we are seeing each other and who knows maybe one day that can have an influence.
Apart from jamatkhana where we keep things discreet out of respect, we see each other once or twice a week and try and spend as much time as we can together.
Recently, her mom found a bikini beach picture of us and as expected she wants us to break up. Her sister also saw this picture as well. We have been intimate with one another, in fact we are each other’s first romantic and intimate
partners. They have asked her if we have been intimate and she said no.
We are deliberating what to do, we have talked about marriage in the past, and that we are not ready ourselves. It’s an unfortunate case of two people who are completely in love with one another, and I don’t really know how to proceed from here.
She is concerned with how her family/future will look like knowing that she is not a virgin, and she is scared that will ruin her life, or end up in a failed marriage when the spouse finds out she has had sex. Our intention was to date for the potential of marriage, we both have that long term outlook on each other, but now things have gotten complicated.
Although I said I am aware of the cultural difference I still have individual questions, and I don’t want her to feel like her life is ruined. I love her very much and will protect her image. The answers to these questions will help me deliberate what is best for myself and by extension us.
- How hard is it for her to marry outside her culture, but within the same Islamic community? If it happens what are the consequences on her and her family?
- What has happened in the case where an **Afghan couple** has dated and had sex before marriage? Are the consequences different for the men and women? Does this affect **the marriage?**
- What has happened in the case where an **Afghan daughter or son** has dated and had sex before marriage? Are the consequences different for the men and women? How does this **affect the family?**
**TLDR: Afghan mother has found out about me dating her daughter, we do not know how to proceed. She is concerned with her image because she is no longer a virgin.**
Thank you and if there is anyone who has been through a similar situation and can provide me with guidance, I would greatly appreciate it.