u/CBCoope

A couple of years ago i was dating this girl who could not stop making fart jokes. I would play along to the extent that I needed to without making her feel awkward but it was lowkey pretty hard to 'yes and' all the jokes and i found that the vaudevaille 'pull my finger' shtick got very old very fast. Then again this wasnt the kind of problem that laboured on my conscious in any meaningful capacity, but it was also not something i felt comfortable telling to friends (even though its objectively a funny situation).

We were together for 8ish months atp and it was like half a year of her making the jokes. We were at home in bed and she said something like "what does a chicken sound like when it crosses the road" and I sort of fumbled through a "I dont know, what?" before she let the most massive beefquake rip. So massive that poop smeared over the pillow (she was facing upside down in bed). I found this whole ordeal to be very erotic and attractive until she tried to broach it to me the day after over ham eggs and milk. Something about the combination of food and chat made me so ill that I moseyed out of the panera and kinda punched my throat down to pull trig.

I broke up with her about a month later and when my friends asked why I ended the relationship i told them it was because her parents were antisemites.

I am on the precipice of making the biggest life decision of my life. After accidentally calling my girl the n word she hasnt talked to me and i think now that its clear maybe that im not getting her back anytime soon i am going to move far away. Im in Houston (shoutout As) rn but im thinking of moving far east, like Shanghai, or at least maybe to Mexico. My spanish is not great but i can improve.

I gotta pull the trigger right? Im feeling like if i dont go now ill never go and end up bumming it in a country that doesnt even have healthcare!!

'Mr. Bouzuanis is so fucking gay dude he sent me this whole paragraph about his "philosophies" yesterday and when i said to Him: "please do not bring out a whiteboard" he did the latter, the damn thing. And so this teacher told me, this and that, about "his life as derived from first principles".. Dude what? First principles he said that like 30 times bruhh! and ill be damned if it didnt lead to the most uncomfortable car ride of my life last friday, tacking onto the horrible steamy cummy mess of a chungus life ive been living lately --+ this would be something he would say, methinks'

... so Says mr. melville, to mr. Hawthorne, all greased down into his bare bosom rubberneck. (1846)

so I got into a big fight with my girlfriend last night. she had said this and that about a friend she didnt like and I imitated her like started shitting on the friend in this over the top way AND SHE LOST HER SHIT. the specifics i cant really rwmember but basically she said "how dare i" over and over.

the problem is this: after her blowing up about the most trivial impersonation I called her the n word. I think for whatever reason i was just thinking about the pewdipie bridge and loosely drifting/zoning off and i let it slip.

Ive never done something like this (in or out of this relationship) and my gf kinda giggled and then like stood there sitting on my bed w me for a few seconds and then bolted out of the door. Texted + called all night and Nothing. Am i in the doghouse?