Non-birthing parent here. Looking for people who've navigated shared custody when co-parents don't live near each other.
My wife and I are going through a divorce, and things have gotten really painful around custody of our 9 month old daughter. I'm the non-birthing parent, and my wife has been resistant to me adopting her; she's expressed a lot of fear that if I have equal legal footing, I'll "take her away," even just for a single night. It's become clear she'd prefer I not have real parenting time at all, and that's been devastating to sit with, especially because I didn't expect pushback on wanting shared custody.
Some context that's probably feeding into her anxiety: she's not fond of my extended family, and I'm planning to pursue a PhD in Europe. I want to be upfront that I have no intention of relocating our daughter internationally—she'd stay in the U.S. for stability, and I'd push for extended time during holidays and summers instead.
I'm based in Chicago. I'm trying to figure out:
Has anyone here co-parented successfully (or even semi-successfully) when one parent lives significantly farther away, whether that's a different state or country?
If you were the non-bio/non-birthing parent, how did you navigate a partner's fear or resistance around adoption and shared custody?
Any resources, parenting plan structures, or just personal stories about making long-distance shared custody work for a young kid would help.
Trying to advocate for my relationship with my daughter without escalating things further than they need to be. Appreciate any perspective.