u/Cactus-collie

i am diagnosed autism, adhd and some other stuff that isn't relevant. my brother is autistic.

my brother was diagnosed early while i wasn't, and because my symptoms present differently than his, they were brushed off. "you can't be autistic. you're just antisocial, and mean, and ill-tempered." when i struggled to make eye contact and would go silent in front of my mom when speaking was hard, she would lament, "what have i done wrong, why do you hate me so much? what do i owe you?"

and then she becomes surprised when my brother and i are hesitant and nervous to share details of our lives with her. she gets all surprised and defensive when we say that we don't talk much with her because we're scared she'll yell at us. "when have i ever yelled at you, where are you getting these ideas from? you're so paranoid!"

just displaying symptoms of a disorder that i cannot control is enough to be seen as a bad person. struggle to make eye contact, and i'm disrespectful. go silent and struggle to speak, and i'm ignorant and mean. have meltdowns and issues controlling my emotions and i'm ungrateful. every aspect of my disorder has been seen as a threat. i'm just a kid. i'm just a kid

for the record, most of the specific instances that happened my mom has apologized for (though she continues doing it to this day, and then apologizing, and then doing it again. her apologies are sincere, but she doesn't stop.) though it still doesn't erase the impacts of it. i am afraid of opening up to her for these reasons and i probably always will be

mental health and neurodivergence is such a stigmatized topic in asia, it irritates me to no end. it's "not a real problem". kids can "get over it." it's paid no mind because in our culture all that they care about is control

how many other kids have to go through this? all because our culture is so obsessed with pretending that we don't experience pain?