Anybody else become strangers with people they grew up with? Can old friendships actually recover after falling apart?
I’m 24 right now and turn 25 next week. Something happened recently that’s had me thinking about this whole situation again and I honestly wanted outside opinions from people who aren’t involved in it.
There’s a girl I grew up with basically my entire life, along with her longtime friend who was also around a lot growing up and came around the neighborhood all the time too. I grew up with both of them. We’re all around the same age. Same neighborhood from 2006-2016, families knew each other, always around each other growing up, then we still talked all through high school and college too. We took pictures together, stayed in contact, all that. This wasn’t some random short-term friendship.
We ended up going to Illinois State together and even lived across the street from each other for almost 2 years.
Looking back now, I honestly think things were already changing before everything officially fell apart in 2023. Even living that close, we barely hung out anymore and I started feeling confused by the whole thing. It felt like I was slowly getting pushed to the side and I never really understood why.
Looking back now, I think I could already feel the friendship changing during 2022. Even small things like us stopping random Snapchat streaks and talking less started messing with my head more than I probably admitted at the time.
I also remember sending messages asking if I was being pushed to the side because honestly that’s how it started feeling to me.
Part of me started feeling like I was more emotionally important during certain periods than I was later on, and once life changed, I slowly felt pushed further to the side. I don’t know if that perception was completely fair or not, but it definitely added to the frustration/confusion I was feeling at the time.
If I’m being completely honest, there are times now where I wonder if we all valued the friendships the same way by the end. That’s probably one of the hardest parts for me mentally.
Another part of this is that one of the girls lost her boyfriend in an ATV accident in May 2022. They had been together from 2019-2022. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I know exactly how that affected her mentally or emotionally, but that whole time period seemed heavier and different afterward.
I’ll also be honest and say I didn’t handle the fallout perfectly. I got emotional, sent angry messages, said disrespectful things, and flipped them off publicly at the ISU student fitness center because I felt hurt and ignored.
A few months later in November 2023, after things had cooled down some, I actually reached out to one of their moms and apologized for my behavior and asked if there was any chance we could all sit down sometime and talk things through because I genuinely wanted understanding and closure. The conversation was respectful, but nothing ever really came from it afterward.
One of them also has a sister who I was never super close with, but we always at least said hi to each other when passing by growing up or around town. Since the fallout happened, we haven’t spoken at all either.
After the fallout one of them blocked me for about a year, then randomly unblocked me before graduation in 2024.
Since then we still occasionally run into each other because we live in the same small town. Usually it’s just quick “hi” interactions and both people move on.
What brought all this back up is recently we ended up sitting at the same table together with family/family friends around. One of the girls actually said hi to me normally and joked to her mom that she “said hi to NateDog,” but with the other one things still felt distant and awkward.
Nothing bad happened. Honestly it was just weird. Not hateful. Just distant. Like people who used to know each other extremely well now barely knowing how to interact anymore.
I think the thing that bothers me most is I never really felt like I got a clear explanation. One day somebody is a huge part of your life for years and then eventually they just become this polite stranger you occasionally see around town.
I guess I’m wondering:
- what does this situation honestly sound like from the outside?
- is this just a normal adulthood thing that happens sometimes?
- did I probably push things past the point of repair with how emotional I got?
- and has anybody else gone through a friendship where there isn’t really active hatred anymore, but things still never recovered?
Did it ever stop feeling weird for you?
I guess another thing I wonder sometimes is whether friendships like this are usually permanently changed once things get to this point, or if enough time and maturity can ever make things feel normal again someday.
And honestly based on this whole situation, what would your outside perspective/advice be?
TL;DR: Grew up very close with two girls from childhood through college, friendship slowly fell apart around 2022-2023, I handled parts of it badly emotionally, and now years later we’re civil but distant. Trying to understand if this is just a normal adulthood thing people go through.