I’m starting to resent my parents
I love my parents, I’m grateful for them.
But I’m really starting to resent them.
My parents married in their early 20s, and neither of them went to college. For the first 16 years of my life, my mom was a severely depressed housewife and my dad worked a shitty job that allowed us to live in a shitty apartment.
When I was in high school we moved, and for the first time, I had my own room. I will admit I was naive to the financial realities in our household.
In the fall of 2021, I got a reality check in my first week of college, when I couldn’t pay tuition. I had FAFSA and I had scholarships but I couldn’t pay the remaining $7,000. I tried applying for loans but my parents' credit score was so low that I didn’t get approved for anything. I ended up getting a loan from my grandma but that only covered a semester. In the end, I left that university and the next year I started community college.
I’m still in community college.
I am a full-time retail worker and I am full time student.
I’m so fucking exhausted.
I save and save, but I’m constantly being asked by my mom for loans for everything from groceries to gas money for her car, when she needs to buy tickets for my dad’s commute, and the worst is when she’s asking for money when she's short for the mortgage payment.
My dad is pretty ignorant about the financial situation, he has my mom handle everything. It got so bad that our house went into foreclosure, and he cried when she told him. That was the first time I ever saw my dad cry. They ended up taking a $20,000 loan from my grandma.
I’m so tired of giving them money, I’m so tired of applying for loans in my name because she needs help. I’m so tired of working 40 hours a week, coming home mentally and physically exhausted only to have a mountain of assignments waiting for me.
I feel like I’m drowning. I’m so tired of acting like the parent to my actual parents. I understand they went through a lot when they were younger but I think my mom is still stuck in that teen mentality.
I want to be normal. I want to be done with college and have a good job. But with all this pressure I feel like an absolute fucking failure.
I feel like if my parents were more responsible I wouldn’t have to face all these issues. If my parents were responsible I would’ve graduated from college and be living my life. I get so jealous during graduation season, I get so jealous when I see other people succeeding when I’m stuck.
I’m trying so hard, so fucking hard, but no one is helping me. I feel frozen, resentful, and an absolute loser. But I can't do anything about it, it’s my life.