Breast reconstruction (autistic FTMTF)
Hey everyone!
I (F23) transitioned from female to male in 2022. I went on T for almost 2 years and had top surgery in 2023. During this period I thought I was transgender mostly because of the discomfort I felt with my breasts and being sexualised. I had trauma from being sexualised for my breasts, which had me completely detached from my breasts and anything to do with femininity.
Now I feel odd. I know that I am a woman and that because of my autism (which I got diagnosed with in 2024) I experience discomfort with gender and being sexualised and that top surgery removed the discomfort for a couple of years, but now I do want boobs again. I am very lucky to have a boyfriend who does not care if I have boobs or not and accepts me as I am and sees me as the woman I am, but I want society to see me as female (again) too. People mistake me for a boy because of my flat chest and lower voice, but I feel like if I had boobs again, I'd feel better about myself.
I realise it's no good to rely on external validation and I don't actually need the validation of others (although it feels nice). I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.
Now my concern: I am scared that if I get boobs again, I will get overstimulated by them and want to remove them again (I am also scared the surgery's results won't be nice). At the same time, I'd love to be able to wear girly clothes again without looking like a teenage boy and to just feel 'like my old self' again. I got them removed mostly because of the sexual trauma so I am not sure how much of it is because of the discomfort. Although I felt discomfort with them ever since they started growing, I never actually thought about removing them before the trauma happened.
I am currently going to my old genderpsychologist again because I need her approval for a breast reconstruction. We are now trying to answer the question of how we can avoid the same thing from happening again after reconstruction (so I wont get disgusted by my chest again). I have learned a lot about myself the past couple of years and I now know why I transitioned, but how do I know I wont regret reconstruction?
Are there people here with a similar experience or advice?
Thank you for responding in advance!