I need to make lasting changes
Hey everybody! I am looking for some advice that might help me get myself out of this rut that I’m in. For context, I’m a 34 year old married father of a toddler. I have anxiety and depression that I’ve dealt with since adolescence and is fairly well under control, as well as a more recent ADHD diagnosis. I have struggled my whole life with self-discipline, organization and executive functioning. I coasted in my school years since I was interested in most subjects and got good grades, but I have had a much harder time in adulthood now that priorities have shifted and I am now responsible for earning a living, raising a child, owning a home etc. My wife and I both struggle with things like keeping our house and cars clean/free from clutter, paying bills on time and managing finances.
We both have steady employment and a healthy and happy daughter. But day to day feels like I’m barely keeping my head above water— overwhelmed by all the things I’ve procrastinated. Then I end up wasting time distracted on my phone, feeling too tired to do chores and eating lots of sweets late at night to soothe the cycle of stress and shame.
Intellectually I know what I need to do to help myself, and I know that it’s not an all-or-nothing thing. But the older I get the more cynical and discouraged I become. In my 20s I had periods of good habits like running and eating right. I even successfully trained for and ran two half marathons. But now that I’m in my 30s and have less energy and free time, each attempt ends in a false start, and I’m back to eating fast food milkshakes every night in a messy house.
My life is so different now that I am a parent, I think I need a new framework for making changes to my life and health. Applying what worked in my 20s has proven unsuccessful. Any fellow 30-somethings have any tips for making lasting changes and combating the cynicism and jaded feelings after years of backsliding?