u/Capital-Telephone-54

My wife is pretty much finished moving out but has a couple of things she still needs to get. These last few days watching her move out are some of the most difficult I've ever had. My story in just a few characters: I'm 55, 25 years married, she asked for divorce, 2 adult children (25 & 23) who have moved out, we are splitting amicably, still get along.

There are so many things I want to say/ask her but I know I shouldn't (many are kinda pathetic really, but I can't help it - 25 years of love doesn't go away fast).

In an attempt to relieve some of that tension, let's say them here:

• I love you
• I miss you
• Are you sure you really want to do this?
• Damn, you look fine in that dress.
• What did I do to make you go straight to divorce without attempt to fix anything?!
• You're (leaving) is killing me, Smalls
• I don't want this
• You are my best friend, my soulmate, and my ride or die.
• What the absolute fuck?
• Wanna go to the AC/DC / Foo Fighters show?

Whatcha got?

Not really sure where to start so I'll start from the beginning, I guess.

I've been married to my soulmate, my best friend, my ride or die for 25 years (hit that mark in December 2025). We won't get to #26...

On a day I'll never forget (Easter Sunday) she tells me (from my perspective, out of the blue) that she 'wants to be alone'. We talk about what that means and at first I think she needs some time alone as she's been really stressed out with her mom (who is ill and needs a lot of attention). Eventually, we get to the point where she says she needs to be permanently alone. I get her to hold off on making any rash decisions until she has some time away to really think things through. She agrees and we talk about her spending a couple of weeks vacationing by herself.

She never does that but does got to her home town of San Diego with my adult daughter (who is 25... that is not a coincidental number by the way). When she comes back I don't press her for a decision but things are awkward.

Finally, on July 5, I ask if she's had any thoughts on our relationship and that is when she tells me she's put a lot of thought into and wants a divorce. Not a trial separation, a full-on divorce. She doesn't want to try to work it out, she doesn't want to do couples of counseling. She can't (or won't ) tell me why. She says there is nothing I could have done and nothing I did wrong. She eventually just tells me we've grown too far apart and she does not see a way back.

Fortunately, things have been relatively uneventful in terms of the divorce. We agreed to a financial settlement, and then saw a mediator to write up the paperwork. No fights on that. She is still living with me for now, but slowly moving her stuff out (which is like a death by a thousand cuts, and we still get along so I occasionally get the wrong idea there is still a chance).

I think she'll be moving out for good this week and it is killing me. I just don't understand why she has given us no chance and how she can just let go of 25 years of marriage. The whole thing is surreal. As a man, I'm embarrassed to say this, but I've never cried more (and I mean ugly cry) than I have over this - even losing both my parents.

At this point, I don't know how I'll move on but I know I have too. I'm taking one day at a time, letting the emotions come, taking a deep breath, and trying to let them go. But man, is it a struggle.

Guess I don't have a question, but wanted to share with a group that will understand.

Thanks for reading...

~stipey