GF (26F) didn’t pick up my call at 1:30am, texted instead saying that she’s chatting with another guy from work at the beach and now won’t see me or talk to me because I asked her why she didn’t pick my call.
TL;DR: GF was on a work trip abroad. Her messages stopped late at night, I called at 1:30am, she didn’t pick up, texted 15 mins later saying she’d met a guy from a different location and was talking to him on the beach. When she finally called back, her explanation for not picking up didn’t fully add up. I asked her calmly about it — no accusations, no shouting — she got defensive and deflected every time. Now she’s back home, refused to meet me today, and her last message was that she’s surprised I have “zero realisation” about how I upset her.
I felt a certain kind of way about my long term girlfriend being out at 2 am in the night at the beach with another guy, which is something I wasn’t aware of l. I’m also genuinely curious as to why she felt the need to not pick my call first and then drop a message instead just because the other guy was around. Looking for outside perspective because I genuinely don’t know if I’m wrong here.
Full context:
Throwaway because people I know use Reddit.
My girlfriend (26F) and I (26M) have been together for 5 years
She recently had a work training that required her to fly abroad for a few days. The first two days were fine — we were in contact, she’d call me during the day, FaceTime me at night before bed. She would also send me snaps when she went to the beach, the bar or at the office party.
On the last night, I encouraged her to go out and enjoy herself since it was her final evening there.
She went to a bar, had a couple of drinks, was sending me messages and snaps. Then around midnight, the updates stopped. I replied to her last snap with a compliment which she read but did not respond to. I fell asleep but woke up around 1am and noticed I hadn’t heard from her. I called at around 1:30am just to check if she was okay. No answer.
About 15 minutes later she texted saying she’d met a guy from a different office location and they were talking and that they were at the beach. Now I wasn’t aware that my GF was abroad alone at the beach in a south East Asian country at almost 2 in the night, and she doesn’t have any colleagues or friends accompanying her. Last we spoke, she told me she was at the bar. (This is her first time overseas)
One more thing worth adding as context: This trip itself had some backstory. About six months ago she mentioned the training and suggested I join her on the last day so we could spend some time there together. I agreed. Over the next three months she never once updated me on dates, never asked if I wanted to book, never gave me enough notice to plan around my own work schedule. The only time she actually asked if I was coming was when her office gave her a 3-day deadline to book tickets. By that point it felt like I was an afterthought, not a plan. I decided not to go. She’s also been telling me about how she misses me as she is near the ocean and how I should’ve joined her but when she was at the beach on her last night alone, she didn’t think to call or text once.
Half an hour after that she called me.
When she called, I asked her one simple question — why did she not take my call? Her explanation was that her earphones were connected to her phone, both were in her bag, and she didn’t hear it ring. But here’s what didn’t add up to me: she was at a bar with loud music — why would she need earphones with live music ? And if she had her earphones in when she met this person on the beach, at some point she must have taken them out to talk to him. So when did she see the missed call, and why was texting still the choice?
I didn’t ask who the guy was. I didn’t ask if they exchanged numbers. I didn’t accuse her of anything. I just asked her why she texted instead of called. Every time I asked, she either deflected, brought up how much we’d spoken the previous two days as if that cancelled out my question, or said “what are you insinuating?” She never actually answered.
She’s now back home. We had plans to meet today (before I brought this up). She cancelled and said she didn’t feel like seeing me after last night. I told her over text that I expected us to just have a conversation about what bothered me and why, and that like always, my having a problem has become the real problem. She hasn’t responded since, left me on read for more than 24 hours now.
All I want to understand is what went on in her head to not pick up my call and talk to me just because she was with another guy at the beach? Did she not want to project that she had a boyfriend? Did she feel that calling her boyfriend while she’s with a stranger will be rude to him?
Am I wrong for thinking I deserved a straight answer? And is her response (which is even more concerning)— refusing to meet me, going silent — a reasonable reaction to me calmly raising something that bothered me?