How much to share about multi-NREs
I started a new and deep relationship about a month ago, but we spent the last week apart as we both needed to travel. On my last day away, I somewhat surprisingly fell into another deep and loving relationship. I flew mere hours later and was meant to reunite with my first partner the next morning, but her flights have been delayed by a full day. This extra time has got me thinking about the agility of our hearts. On one hand, nobody has done anything “wrong.” My first partner and I discussed this possibility before we parted and were very open about it. I even poked her teasingly by asking her if there was anyone she knew where I was going (a place I’d never been but she knew well) that she think would make a good cuddle partner (she said she enjoyed processing the question and did have a suggestion or two ;-). And my second partner knew I was poly from the start. If fact, we met at a talk I was giving about non monogamy! And the timing of our getting together makes sense although it was of course sad to leave just a few hours later. What I’m noticing inside my heart is I’m trying to “turn the channel” from my first partner to my second and I’m exploring why. I do remember mentioning someone early in my first partner relationship and she kind of set a boundary that when we’re together we focus 100% on each other. We later had a really good conversation about this, but I notice I’m now feeling a bit guilty for feeling an “outside” love while reuniting with my first partner. Again, I don’t think she would be upset “theoretically”, but in practice, I’m sure she would be triggered if I shared about this new love in any depth. I’m guessing because we’re giving our limited time to each other and would like that gift to be respected by giving attention in return. But here’s the thing. If I need to be kind of vigilant in my heart to turn down the volume with my new love in relation to my first partner, that vigilance is also IN RELATION to my first partner. There’s a part of my heart that also shrinks a bit in relation to my first partner. Not intentionally. It almost feels like an emotional instinct ir reflex. I’m intending to explore this with both partners, and I’m wondering if anyone has pushed this edge of consciously allowing love for others to enter into different relationships and what suggestions or insights anyone has around how to do so with care and sensitivity.