Yesterday's Meltdown
I've never posted before so please bear with me.
I was officially diagnosed with AuDHD today but the person giving me the results triggered a meltdown that I'm still working through almost 8 hours later.
Brief backstory...I have multiple conditions and am pursuing disability. I have been diagnosed with AuDHD, C-PTSD with dissociation and Major Depressive Disorder with anxiety. I am a domestic abuse survivor of a 17 year marriage to a narcissistic drunk. Living in fight or flight mode for all those years took a toll on my health. Diabetes, HBP, CKD, fibromyalgia, joint pain, anemic, etc. My claim is that the synergistic effect of all the mental & medical conditions with the medications for them is very debilitating. I am not able to do anything consistently, like working a 40hr work schedule.
Ok, so as I get the results, I ask her about the ability to work. She said I couldn't be a greeter at Walmart but I could probably do stocking shelves, that it would be difficult but I could do it. She also acted like I wasn't autistic enough, does that make sense? Her thing was that I am high functioning so you're going to struggle but you're fine. I mentioned the other conditions and she wasn't impressed.
Now, I'm doubting everything. Maybe I can just suck it up and do it. Maybe dad and the ex were right, I'm lazy, manipulative and generally useless. There's nothing wrong with me so stop being difficult and go to work. "You look fine so what is your problem."
Are they right? Am I just being a big baby and I just need to suck it up?
I am truly confused. Could I be "faking" and just need to act like an adult. For the record, I'm in my 50s, so late diagnosed after being misdiagnosed for around 22 years. I am still in therapy and can do EMDR as needed. No children but have 3 ESA cats. I do write, I learned by accident about a month and a half ago that I am good at creative writing and post episodes from different series and working on a novel.
I am sorry for how long this is but I'm sitting here just unable to process this. Thank you for reading.