I feel inferior to my boyfriend's friends
Advice is very welcome!
My boyfriend (M27) and I (F25) have been together for a year. He has a very close-knit small group of friends who have known each other since high school. His ex (they we're each others first in everything oh god) is part of that group. That was and still is a senstive point for me in our relationship. He really wants me to become part of his friend goup, but I will always feel inferior. And it's also just a bit awkward sometimes, because I know he's talked about our issues with his friends. Like, how can I be one of the ''boys'' if you're exposing me bye-
Everyone has known each other much longer and is much closer. On top of that, the presence of his ex doesn't make it any better. I feel like, his friends will always appreciate her more than me. Totally understandable, but it doesn't make it better aaaargh!! And he's made it very clear that his friends are like family to him and that they're as equally important to him as any partner would be. Now I don't know if anyone else feels this way in their relationship, but holy shit that makes me insecure. I fully agree that friends are important, and that you could see them as family. But shouldn't your partner be your number 1 priority?... Or is this a crazy take lmao.
His friends have done some questionable things in the past and present (like hooking up with two of his exes, or heavy use of alcohol and other substances), and if I sometimes reflect critically on that, he gets irritated quickly. I love my friends, but if they truly do something ''wrong'', I call them out for it.
He also said he wanted to be alone today, which already made me feel very insecure, but he reassured me that it wasn't because of me and that he loves me, but that sometimes he really needs to be alone for a while. But then he texts me that he's meeting his best friend because said friend had to go to another city to pick something up but didn't want to go alone, so my boyfriend suggested going along. It's an hour's drive there and back...Excuse me but didn't you want to be alone today??? DO NOT tell me it's not because of me and then proceed to meet one of your friends because then it feels like you lied to me.
I feel so awful and sad, even though I know I'm exaggerating... I asked him, (in general) are you more excited to see me or your friends? And he said that he was just as excited, but for different reasons. I understand that it's for different reasons, but shouldn't you be just a little bit more excited to see your partner? He totally disagreed. And it's not like he hardly ever speaks to his friends. Every evening that I'm not with him, he games with them for hours. But he feels like calling for 15 min with me is already too much. His reasoning: it's different when you're gaming.
I can't trust my own emotions and thoughts. I don't know if I'm exaggerating or if it's something I should worry about regarding our future together. Truthfully, I want to feel more important to him than his friends. I have the feeling that, if his friends and I would ever have a conflict, he would choose his friends. He keeps telling me to stop feeling insecure, but HOW CAN I WHEN THEY'RE JUST AS IMPORTANT TO YOU AS I AM OWIKDHFWSJ go marry your friends igaf (sorry I let myself go here at the end)
Has anyone else experienced this in a relationship and did it work out in the end?