u/Careful_Travel_3623

so i’m 17F and going to a college 8 hours away. I wa so excited because i’d finally be outside of my strict house and do what I want and wear what I want but my mom just came in my room. she’s an accountant and she said she’s making a legal document and if I ever get caught doing anything bad she’ll cut me off. for context she’s caught me with revealing clothes, vapes and weed before and now i’m just so done. I don’t want to do college scared. I don’t know what to do. should i just tell her i’m just gonna take out loans coz I don’t want her money if she’s doing that.

I know the title sounds bad but let me get this straight. For context i’m 17F. I have given my family so many times so many chances in my head. the shit they have done to me over the years has literally fucked with my brain. I’ve developed such severe depression because my mom barely lets me go out. I acc hate my mom. everytime I do something she tells me I can’t do it. I can’t wear short sleeve shirts, can’t tweeze my eyebrows or moustache so i’m basically forced to look like a hairy rat. she hates the gym because she says who am I trying to look good for but I genuinely just love working out and it makes me feel productive which helped with my depression but since my mom didn’t like it, I stopped going. all I do is work at my job, go home and do nothing or scroll on my phone till I sleep. she hates my friends because they’re non muslim and says they’re whores for dressing up like how they do, but in reality they’re the sweetest girls ever and I wouldn’t know what to do without them genuinely they’re my support. she’s gotten so religious to the point she’s actually scary. she once beat me up, like I mean pulling hair, leaving scratches on my skin that I still have scars for all because I didn’t want to wake up for fajr after my 12 hour shift. I literally feel caged. I feel like this isn’t life. I feel like i’m in a brainwashed family. like my family is actually stupid. like 2 of my cousins have autism, my mom has like terrible adhd and it’s all because we marry our cousins in my family. it’s so disgusting. like one of my uncles is married to his cousins and their daughter is autistic. like what did he think??? i’m sorry but that’s his fault. like my mom literally looks at non muslims with pure hatred. this isn’t islam. like this is actually toxic. like it feels like a cult. i’m so tired. I want to leave so bad.