Marriage struggles
Husband is in his final year of his PhD (humanities). During his PhD, we had 2 kids and I’ve taken on most of the mental load in our family to give him space to work. He does a pretty good job with chores and he’s an involved parent, but he works at least half of every weekend and every night after the kids go to bed. He’s an extremely hard worker and created extra opportunities for himself (related to his program) for which he was paid extra, which has been very helpful. He did this in part to try to get a job here, where we’re close to my family. I’m so grateful for that, but now it looks like that opportunity won’t pan out (thanks Trump administration).
My problem is that I’m just done with it all. I’m tired of carrying the mental load myself. I’m tired of making excuses to my friends and family for why he’s not there. I gather that this isn’t unusual, but his program is toxic, and I’m tired of hearing about it. He keeps asking me to read parts of his dissertation, and I don’t want to. I don’t have the time or energy, and maybe also I just resent it. He is talented and he’s achieved amazing things, while also trying to create job opportunities that make sense for our family. But I don’t have it in me to care about this venture anymore. I’m tired.
He just found out his dissertation is due in December (long story), so the next couple months will be a major push and he will need more support. It’s going to absolutely suck.
I don’t know that there’s any advice to give, but I’m open to it if anyone has some. Or perhaps someone has a PhD-insider perspective that can help me find some empathy again. Mostly I just needed to cry out into the void, because I don’t want to stress him even more right now.
Edit: I wasn’t sure if this was the right forum to post in, but I’m so glad I did. Thank you for all the helpful advice, stories and perspectIves—it’s given me lots to think about and some things to do right now to make it a bit better.