▲ 253 r/Jokes
My dad always said the secret to marriage is never going to bed angry.
He slept on the couch, instead.
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 11 days ago
▲ 271 r/Jokes
For our wedding, my wife and I went on a weight loss journey. Between the two of us, we lost 25 pounds!
She lost 30 and I gained 5.
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 2 months ago
▲ 0 r/Jokes
Every time I visit my mom, she has a crazy to-do list for me. Last time she wanted me to fix her alarm system. I told her, 'I have no idea how to fix an alarm system.' She goes, 'It can't be that different from the one at your house.' The one at MY house?
I'm so poor, my alarm system is just my fiancee going “AHHHHH!”
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 3 months ago
▲ 1 r/Jokes
I think therapy is great and everybody should do it.
My favorite part is when my fiancée's therapist thinks I'm right.
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 3 months ago
▲ 21 r/Jokes
I recently wrote a horror movie about an Italian Demon"
I called it: "The Gaba Ghoul."
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 3 months ago
▲ 14 r/Jokes
My best friend was in a car accident this week.
That's a much nicer way of saying "he shit himself in an Uber."
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 4 months ago
▲ 0 r/Jokes
Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.
When I asked her why, she said: "because your dad was better at it."
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 4 months ago
▲ 139 r/Jokes
I read a study that said looking at your wife's breasts can add years to your life.
Apparently, looking at someone else's wife's breasts can take a few off.
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 5 months ago
▲ 22 r/Jokes
I lost a good amount of weight recently. My mom was like, ‘What’s your secret?’
I said “being poor.”
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 5 months ago
▲ 0 r/Jokes
I overheard this guy at the bar get emotional talking about ‘the one that got away.’ I thought he was talking about an ex-girlfriend.
But then I saw him on the news. Turns out she escaped his trunk.
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 5 months ago
▲ 0 r/Jokes
My friend told me his wife demanded he give her the D at least three times a week. I was so jealous.
Until I found out the D stood for divorce.
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 5 months ago
▲ 0 r/Jokes
My boss made me so mad I decided to kill him…PLOT TWIST: Kill him with kindness.
PLOT TWIST: Kindness is the name of my gun.
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 5 months ago
▲ 0 r/Jokes
I had a boss once say to me that 'all Latinos are lazy.' As a Venezuelan I got so mad, I made an appointment to talk to HR first thing the next morning.
Imagine the look on my face when I overslept.
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 5 months ago
u/CarlosDoesTheWorld — 5 months ago