u/Cat-queen360

Am I the asshole in this friendship? I posted on here before and then lost my phone, I wasn’t intending to be avoidant. I live with someone who I’ve became friends with but there has been a lot that has happened that has upset me. For one, I don’t trust her around my pets. She once casually told me that my cat was misbehaving so she bit her ear and hard. Ever since whenever she leaves the room my cat hides under the bed. She has been seeing someone for some time and acts very differently in his presence. For example; I was out back smoking and she turned the lights out on me while I was out there because he was light sensitive. Recently, I relapsed on alcohol and totally fucked up. I was making meals for the houseless and spilled honey on top of her laptop without realizing. The next morning my mom came into town to see how I was doing. I overheard her saying to my partner and roommate that she was upset and that we would discuss things later. Because I heard this, I did not respond to the message as I assumed we would be talking in person. We never did. Instead, she left the house and stayed with her boyfriend and did not contact me for three days because I did not respond. Once I realized what was going on I apologized and she drove home and pretended everything was fine. Her absence from my life was really awful. I am so hurt. I know and think that I am the asshole by putting her computer at risk, but I am at a loss.

Hi! I have autism and I have a lot of mental health issues and just recently relapsed on alcohol after almost two years sober. During my relapse I had decided to impromptu make meals for the houseless. In doing this I got honey all over the counter, the floor, and my newish roommates closed laptop (thankfully her keyboard wasn’t exposed but still). She had texted me and my roommate at about 4 AM that morning expressing what had happened. I was so overwhelmed when I woke up and was trying to take one step at a time. Mistakingly, I did not apologize to her. I had felt horrible the morning after and was just trying to stay breathing and alive. I had overheard her talking to my roommate the next morning and she had said we will talk in person about things. (Her talking to my roommate and not me is a common trend) Because of this, I did not reach out to her. I also thought I had apologized, I didn’t, that’s on me. For the next four days she did not contact me or come back to the house, she stayed somewhere else. It wasn’t until I recognized her ignoring me where she shared what had upset her. Upon hearing her feelings I totally understand where she was coming from and have felt deeply apologetic for messing with her things. I do also feel very hurt about the way she went about things, especially during one of the lowest moments of my life. I have struggled with my addiction for years and she knows how bad this can be for me. I pushed back and made sure to express that my safety and well being is just as important as her being upset. Am I the asshole?