Me (25F), My (27M) boyfriend has a massive ego, never apologizes, and minimized it when his friend overheard our intimate chat.
( we're doing ldr right now)
I feel like my boyfriend (27M) is someone with a very high ego. Every time we fight (when we tgt or ldr) whether it’s his fault or not and my feelings get hurt, it is extremely difficult for him to say the word "sorry." He never says anything along the lines of "I feel bad when you feel bad" or "I'm sorry that I made you feel bad."
Most of the time, I have to reach my absolute breaking point and cry my eyes out in front of him before he finally agrees to say it. It’s like the word "sorry" is just too precious to him. I understand that and I don't want him to just throw it around carelessly, but I feel like he could at least say it sometimes. There are also many times when he views his own mistakes as just a joke or a small thing. To be honest, it makes me feel even worse, just like what happened today.
The confusing part is that in normal times, he is actually very attentive, sweet, and cares a lot about my feelings. He treats me so well when everything is fine. But why is it that whenever we have a conflict, he completely changes and acts like he doesn't acknowledge my hurt at all (maybe bcs he think its not his false,) no matter if I try to tell him directly or use sarcasm.
Today was the breaking point. We were on a video call, and I was playfully teasing him about my breasts being small like limes and asking to see his "sausage." I had no idea his friend was sitting right next to him because I couldn't see the friend on camera. When I said it, my boyfriend laughed and looked away, clearly sharing the moment with his friend. I felt awful and immediately hung up.
When he called back, I told him I hated having my privacy violated. Instead of apologizing, he completely minimized it. He told me it was just a little bit embarrassing, called it "adorable and funny," and said "it's a part of life, nothing to worry about." He even said if I kept going further with those intimate topics on the call, he would have to mute or hang up (I think he meant he would do it to prevent his friend from hearing any more of our private talk).
When I asked him how he'd feel if I did the same to him, he finally admitted that his phone speaker was loud and his friend did hear the word "sausage." But instead of taking accountability for making me feel exposed, he offered zero apologies and just wrapped it up by saying, "Shit happens."
I've tried telling him nicely and I've tried using heavy sarcasm out of sheer frustration, but nothing works. I feel tired and emotionally exhausted.
*Since this community doesn't allow image attachments, here is a quick summary of what happened next in our chat:*
\* \*\*Me:\*\* I told him I hated having my privacy violated and asked if he would’ve just let his friend keep listening if I hadn't noticed and gotten mad.
\* \*\*Him:\*\* He dismissed it entirely, saying: \*"It wasn't even weird. Just a funny thing and it passes... Can't get through life without a single embarrassing moment."\* He insisted it was \*"nothing to be worried over."\*
\* \*\*Him:\*\* He explained his friend was sitting 10-15 feet away and said: \*"If you go further I mute phone or hangup"\* (meaning if I kept talking about private things, he'd cut the call to stop his friend from hearing more). He even justified it by saying it's normal and that girls in the opposite room were loudly talking about private things too.
\* \*\*Me:\*\* Out of sheer hurt and frustration, I used heavy sarcasm, saying I was sorry for being mad and that he should just do it in front of his friends again next time.
\* \*\*Him:\*\* He finally admitted his phone speaker was a little louder and his friend did hear the word \*"sausage."\* But instead of apologizing for making me feel exposed, he just wrapped it up by saying: \*"He was far enough he couldn't hear what I say and just barely heard you. Shit happens."\*
**I would really appreciate some advice on how to handle this situation. If something like this happens again, what are the best steps to take in the moment to stand my ground and protect my own boundaries?**