I feel like this life wasn't meant for me
I feel like I stole the life of the person that I was. That this wasn't meant to be my life to begin with. I feel so disconnected from my childhood and younger self that it feels like I was a completely different person. An innocent child who thought he was were happy.
And now I'm here.
A boring, depressed, stupid blob which is desperately trying to convince itself it's a woman. All while I feel expected to act like the person who came before me.
But that's not me. And I feel so guilty and bad for the people around me. The people who knew him before I was here. They were here for him and I'm not him.
I'm worse in every way.
And now I'm stuck carrying out dreams that aren't even mine in a life surrounded by people I should know but feel like strangers.
He deserved to live. It should have been him. Why did I have to show up and rob him of his life? I know he was me but it doesn't feel like it. I just wish I could go back to those times. The only times I was happy in my life. Possibly the only times I will be happy. When I was him instead of me.