u/Cautious-Code-1790

So this started when i was trying to move on from my ex after that i kind off get addicted cuz i literally do it alot cuz i was new to reading smut as i get to know about smut and after that it kinda like if I'm anxious or like having anxiety attack I start reading smut and clit olay just to distract me to feel anything which make me feel okay i was hella traumatized after my breakup it take me years to move on from that and now I'm in a relationship for 7 months and i do clit play but when I'm reading it I don't imagine anyone face or somthing yeah i do think about my boyfriend him and me being in that suitation and my boyfriend don't know about it .... Is it cheating? I hide this from him and recently i get to know last year he cleared an exam when I haven't even met him and he didn't go to give his interview cuz he passed on margin like only 10 marks extra i get to know about it like 4 months approx i don't know should i feel numb or what and i had a terrible ex and lot's of trauma i feel like he don't trust me enough to tell me his issues i feel numb and how do i get to know about he didn't gave his interview yesterday i have a lib mate so my lib mate and his frnd circle was there and i told them about ky relationship as they asked me then Convo shifted what my bf is doing i told them and i get to know after his exam 3-4 months later his interview happend and i get to know about it 4-5 months later now cuz i asked him today what happend to your interview u said it was in feb and u said it got postpone again and i get to know from somewhere else about his interview and what my lib mate frnd said is my boyfriend making me trying to fool me or somthing and then i said may be that's not the exam name may be it's different i forget i guess i made a fool of myself there but nevermind the issue is he don't trust me enough i feel numb i feel betrayed and yeahhh i have lot's of trust issue so i did feel he's making a fool of me idk am i overreacting or not seriously idk