My sister wanted to off herself and somehow my mom still made it about herself
I genuinely think my mom might have narcissistic traits and today kinda solidified it for me.
My younger sister was having a severe mental health breakdown today at school and was talking about wanting to jump from a building. I spent the call trying to calm her down, talking to her about resilience, perseverance, and overcoming adversity.
At one point, I mentioned how hard it was for me when my grandmother passed away because she basically raised me since I was a baby while my mom worked. I said I loved my grandmother deeply and that her death was one of the hardest things I’ve experienced, but I didn’t let it destroy my life long-term because I had to keep going, focus on university, and stay strong.
Immediately my mom turned the conversation into:
- “You kids never appreciate me.”
- “My sadness was deeper than yours.”
- “I lived with her for 38 years, NOT your aunt or uncle, ME.”
- “I sacrificed everything.”
- “Even though your sister loved grandma more, I still stayed.”
- “You only think about yourselves.”
Then after the call she texted:
“You and your sister never value me.”
and
“You only think about yourselves and don’t believe in God.”
Mind you, this entire conversation started because my sister was suicidal.
I wasn’t comparing who loved my grandmother more. I wasn’t attacking my mom. I was literally just talking about grief and perseverance to comfort my sister. Somehow it still became about how unappreciated my mom feels.
What hurts is that my mom constantly talks about sacrifice and material provision (money, school, etc.), which I DO appreciate, but emotionally she’s never really been there for me through grief, emotional struggles, or difficult periods. I had to teach myself emotional regulation, resilience, perspective, coping skills, basically everything emotionally on my own.
She also focuses heavily on controlling aspects of my life:
- who I’m friends with
- relationships
- where I go
- when I come home
- whether I answer calls fast enough
- my “tone”
- whether I look “happy enough”
but rarely asks about my dissertation, exams, goals, inner life, etc.
I feel guilty even typing this because she HAS sacrificed a lot materially. But I feel emotionally unseen all the time.
Does this sound familiar to anyone else with narcissistic/emotionally immature parents?