The most important thing I've ever done
I had no idea I'd feel this much joy as a mother. Knew I'd never have children unless I met the right man, which took 36 years. Fast-forward two years, we are both 38, married, bought a house and had a baby.
The labor was hard. Nearly 35 hours AFTER my water broke. So long that my womb started an infection and my body started poisoning itself causing severe pre-eclampsia. We almost died. During labor I kept thinking "I'll never do this again, what have I done, someone please just cut this baby outta me!"
Then the Dr coached me on pushing, told me to reach down to feel my baby's head, and my husband's face lit up as he got gloves on to catch and he saw our son's hair. That was all I needed, just his expression of joy seeing our son. I pushed nonstop, over and over, until our baby's head was out, but immediately one doctor pushed my husband out of the way and grabbed and pulled our son out. The cord was wrapped around his neck twice. They got it off, got him breathing, and placed him on my torso, where he stayed while I delivered the placenta and they stitched me in a few places.
This baby boy, y'all. He is 6 weeks old. I can't put him down. Well, about every 3rd day I need a break, but most of the time I crave being near him, his smell, his breathing, his beautiful little sounds, his warmth.
I realized I'd re-live those 35 hours in a heartbeat again if it is what it took to get my son out safely again.
And my husband. The most amazing, wonderful daddy and husband. Being his wife, and this baby's mama, are the most important things to ever happen to me. Caring for a newborn has been so hard. The crying breaks my heart. The broken sleep. The constant pressure to pump or my swollen and painful chest when I don't. The pressure and failure to breastfeed. But y'all, when this baby smiles in my arms while he is asleep, I realize the only thing that matters is his peace and happiness. He doesn't care about any of the other stuff, just being with his mom and dad. And I know we are going to raise him in love. He is the most precious, beautiful thing to ever happen in my life. I'm so thankful to be his mom.