u/CelesteMoonz

To give justice and understand our situation this is going to be a long story so sit back and grab a cup of tea lol

We met on discord through our mutual friend, it started off as me hiring him as an editor for a short film and on our first call that was supposed to be a discussion about the short film turned into an 8 hour long call about our interests and life in general. It was quite surprising at first because we were the opposite of each other but we has so much in common. We bonded over our similar interests, preference, view on life, etc... we were so like minded that we instantly got close. Then soon enough I confessed to him and we both agreed that we had feelings for each other, so we started slow and not instantly getting together.

5 months later, we both agreed that we are officially a couple and we're both serious about each other with marriage in mind for the future. He was supportive of me and would offer to help me whenever I needed without me asking him and I on the other hand supported his art career by helping him with designs. We both spend a lot of time with each other by binging shows and playing video games. Although, I was the one who had sent gifts to him and I was the one who payed for our streaming services but it was fine since I'm usually that person. Everything was great, our conversations went well, communication was great, and our chemistry was amazing.

My bf is the eldest of his family and is the sole bread winner and head of his family since his parents divorced and left him with his grandparents. He used to work as a freelance artist and had a good enough stable income to provide for his family although unfortunately recently he's unemployed and is looking for a job. So I tried to understand his situation and him not being able to give me gifts and flowers but he'd promised me that when he will have enough money and his younger brother would finish college, he'd be the provider of our relationship and treat me the way that I deserved. Now all of that material stuff is not that important, but what's important is our emotional intimacy and gestures. Early in our relationship he'd actually support me and given me funds for certain events that I needed money for, he also did gift me games through steam and they made me really happy. But all of my doubts started on our 1 year anniversary, he didn't plan anything, no gestures, nothing, just our usual routine. And I've been wanting to meet him in person but everytime we plan to meet it would always be cancelled and postponed but he did promise me that we'd meet by this year. Now that I think of it and his current situation I don't think it will happen anytime soon. Another added reason for my doubts are the way he treats me, by this time I don't even care about the flowers, the gifts, the gestures anymore, I just want him to be emotionally available. Recently I noticed that he has started loosing his respect for me, he has stopped being gentle with me, I noticed that he's not prioritizing me anymore, he isn't excited to talk to me or call me and he sees our movie night routine as a chore rather than a date. My problem with him was it felt like I'm not that important to him and he never initiated gestures. We still are pretty fine at times and we still get along really well, it's just our dynamic is messed up. I try to communicate about the things that are ruining the connection of our relationship, him hurting my feelings and how to fix it and he on the other hand feels pressured to figure things out immediately and he feels guilty and bad for not treating me well at times. I resented him for not being gentle with me and always hurting my feelings, and he resented me for not being patient enough.

I think this my be the cause of the downfall of our relationship. A few months ago early into our relationship, I accidentally revealed to our mutual friend 28/M that we were dating. Which was a mistake because I wasn't supposed to and I never asked about his thoughts on whether I should tell our friend or not. Long story short, our friend didn't agree with our relationship because of the age gap and he let my bf choose between their friendship or me. My bf ended choosing me and we both blocked him. Then 6 months into our relationship I made another mistake, I reached out to his ex and talked to her, for context they didn't end on good terms and he wanted her to think that he was dead as a way of revenge and I never knew this until after the situation happened. She was glad that I reached out to her and she felt relieved to know that he was alive and doing well since she'd felt guilty for 4 years, then she wishes us a good and happy relationship. When I told him about it, he got mad at me for meddling with his past and we almost broke up at that time but we didn't. Then recently I had found his art account that he had been gatekeeping from me throughout our whole relationship. He had told me many times that he's not comfortable with anyone knowing who he is that even his friends and family didn't know of it. I was the only one he told about his work and yet again I had crossed another line. I am truly guilty and I cannot justify my actions.

We both really love each other and we both have had a lot of conversations on how to fix things in our relationship and we both choose to commit to each other despite all of the things that we needed to work on. He is a great guy and I love how we bond over the same interests and hobbies. He is willing to improve and work on himself for me. These past few months I have been contemplating whether or not he truly loves me and if he's worth waiting for and I can't decide whether or not to break up with him because i can't fully judge the weight of the relationship when he is not in his best state. I am trying to be more patient with him and he is trying his best to improve and better his actions but we never fail to hurt each other. So I've been thinking if we should pause our relationship and be friends for the mean time so that we can both focus on ourselves and maybe in the future if he truly wants to be with me he will ask me again, but then if we both decide to do that I fear that he might actually take it as a break up and never come back again.

What do you think? Should we pause our relationship and become friends for now or continue to be in a relationship but with a few adjustments while we improve ourselves? If you think that staying is a good option, what advice would you give us both?