1 year postpartum struggling with tantrums, food and guilt
Feeling a bit lost with what to do for my baby girl who has just turned one.
For context I have been quite physically/mentally sick since 9m pp due to a chronic autoimmune disease that I was taken off medication for after the birth. I’ve recently been medicated again but during the last 5 months or so I was unable to carry and care for her as much due to been bedridden with fatigue, muscle spasms / weakness and depression until I was finally put back on them because I finally found a gp who listened to me and believed it was the disease causing all my problems. Nearly two weeks in now and I’m slowly getting my energy back and feeling slightly more human again. My husband lost his job 3 weeks ago and since being home fully took over looking after her.
He parents quite differently to me where he sits with her all day and watches YouTube and plays with her. To protect my sanity I’ve had to just let it go and not comment as it causes fights. Since he’s been home I’ve noticed her behaviour has changed quite a bit. She doesn’t watch the tv but plays nearby which I’m ok with because he just watches car restoration videos, nothing over the top. She constantly throws tantrums at everything now which I’ve read is normal but I have this everlasting guilt that it’s because I haven’t been able to be as hands on with her and that I’ve caused it by having to pull back a bit to get better.
She got her first cold a week ago and since then food has now become a problem where she screams non stop and throws finger food on the floor / slaps a spoon with her favourite pasta sauces when putting down her favourite meals. She will now only eat yogurt and cheese… again I read all normal for the age. Gp isn’t concerned but I’m worried it’s because of a few things. My husband gives her snack food like bits of his biscuits, chocolate and chips and I’m worried she’s acting up because she just wants the nice tasting stuff. Again causing me to feel guilty because I’ve tried to tell him to stop but he thinks it’s ok. Also to note that she still hasn’t gotten a single tooth but the gp and dentist aren’t concerned yet.
I just want some reassurance that this is because of some kind of phase and not because I haven’t been able to be the mother I was for her early postpartum before I got sick. I blame myself everyday and I know it’s stupid but it’s been a really hard last few months.
I always stay calm with her and reassure her when she has these meltdowns. But it’s getting hard to the point where she doesn’t want to go in her pram, the car, highchair or playpen without going full meltdown mode. My husband has no patience and he tries but she wears him down and he snaps and walks off usually. Just scared it’s all caused some kind of unchangeable damage to her and don’t know where to go from here.