u/Certain_Law_7090

I am traveling for work and thinking a lot about my “baby” (18m) who is home with my partner. We have decided quickly that we are OAD due to mental health (PPD/anxiety), lifestyle and careers. I am happy with our decision but I realize i really am so sad about postpartum and the first weeks of my baby’s life, i would give so much to be able to go back there. I had bad PPA, latching and feeding issues, did not handle the lack of sleep well at all and felt completely useless and like a failure for at least 4 months of baby’s life. My partner was great with her and they developed an amazing bond while i was feeling so sad, scared and lonely. I still feel like i failed her because i couldn’t be there for her to calm her down and make her feel safe (though my partner could). Now we have a much better connection but it makes me so incredibly sad to think that my baby didn’t have her mom there properly for the beginning of her life (of course i was there but i just couldn’t handle a lot if it well so i would give her to my partner a lot and instead worry, google and cry :(

I sometimes fantasize about having a second and getting another chance at that experience and while i know 100% that that won’t fix my pain and there’s no guarantee it would go better - I just can’t shake the wish to try. Luckily i am an adult with a functioning brain and i know why I absolutely won’t do it but the feelings just stay with me and it’s just challenging to face them.

I guess i’m just looking for solidarity from anyone who is also grieving their newborn phase and has any words of wisdom or just wants to share their feelings.

I had one flight already years ago that i just can’t get out of my head. Our plane basically got into the turbulence caused by another plane’s wings, i believe it’s called wake turbulence. I had researched this before and figured planes plan their paths to avoid this and it shouldn’t normally happen. The feeling was super scary. Just sudden super intense shaking out if the blue. Luckily it was just a few seconds after which everyone just looked around a bit scared but nothing bad happened. The pilots came on a few minutes later and explained what happened, said another plane was supposed to be further away but turned out to be closer so that we caught their wings turbulence. I was just shocked that it sounded like they didn’t actually know where the other plane was and why it was closer than expected and it made me fear how well the corridors for flights are defined and how well pilots stick to them.

Maybe i understood it wrong somehow? If someone can shed some light on why this happened and how dangerous it can be - i am assuming not dangerous but wow it felt really scary, way more intense than any turbulence i have experienced in 30 years of flying. Thanks a lot!